#1
It would be nice if you could write a crit. I will return the favor.

Shame


Shame, that familiar word
It’s the one I’ve heard
A thousand times

Chorus:
Despair, throughout me
Repair, and make us free
Death stares, right back at me
Feelings shallow, not deep
Memories will not reap


Leave me alone
I can solve these problems
On my own

Chorus:
Despair, throughout me
Repair, and make us free
Death stares, right back at me
Feelings shallow, not deep
Memories will not reap


I lost you, and my pride
My love, has longed but hasn’t died
Drink all the tears I’ve cried.
-SOLO-
Hurt inside, reflect outside
See my scars, these I can’t hide
And I won’t
#2
Don't feel obliged to write a return crit. I crit for fun not for trade

Shame

Shame, that familiar word
It’s the one I’ve heard
A thousand times

Yeah I like it, makes me wonder about how the song sounds; what kind of rhythm you are using.

Chorus:
Despair, throughout me
Repair, and make us free
Death stares, right back at me
Feelings shallow, not deep
Memories will not reap

A perfectly good chorus as far as I'm concerned, interesting how the first three lines rhyme at the start, then the last two lines rhyme at the end. Hints of an interesting song structure in terms of the rhythm. Is it fast or slow? I get the feeling it's kinda like Radiohead...

Leave me alone
I can solve these problems
On my own

...'cos the verses are so short and the chorus so long. It could be like the verse is really drawn out, and then the chorus really speeds up. I like the verse, V simple.

Chorus:
Despair, throughout me
Repair, and make us free
Death stares, right back at me
Feelings shallow, not deep
Memories will not reap

..

I lost you, and my pride
My love, has longed but hasn’t died
Drink all the tears I’ve cried.

Classic song structure for the final two verses interspersed with the Solo. I like it. Does the solo sound the same musically as the chorus, or is different altogether but following the same rhythm?

-SOLO-

Hurt inside, reflect outside
See my scars, these I can’t hide
And I won’t

Hey I realise I've asked more questions than passed comment. I think the lyrics are good. However I would say you could fill the chorus with more literal meaning, but that's just a personal like of mine. Good song!

Have you written the music yet? I'm guessing you have.
#3
Aha! here we see the use of the whole reap word. This word is hard to use but this song in particular you used it quite well. So far this one would be my favorite. Last bit of the solo was great. Very nice job._E#