#1
One of my first attempts at songwriting. I posted it because it needs work. Verse 1 and the Pre-Chorus seems pretty soild. The Chorus seems a little choppy, if you have any suggestions they're welcome. Verse 2, the concept is there, but the words didn't seem to come out right. The rhyming I might have to kill. Comments? I'd rather get this down before I write the rest.

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Verse:
Someday you'll see
Or would you rather stay blind?
Maybe you'd linger, that's the key
Hide in that stubborn part of your mind

Seems as if you and the rest
Can't seem move ahead
Instead you weigh the earth in your chest
Waiting for life to form around you

Pre-Chorus:
Dreaming won't get you very far
You passed hope
fifteen
miles
ago

Chorus
When you veer off
And collide with life
Shards of what could have been
Lay broken
On the ground

Verse 2:
They say the grass is always greener
On the other side
But you try to contend with a lawn mower
Into the blades I'd rather not abide

Seems as if you and the rest
Can't seem to move ahead
Instead grass shavings litter your chest
Waiting for life to revolve around you

Pre-Chorus 2:
Dreaming won't get you very far
You ran over hope
fifteen
miles
ago

Chorus 2:
When you veer off
And collide with life
Shards of what could have been
Lay broken
On the ground
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It's all been seen, with the exception for what could be.