#1
Verse 1:

Unleash hell
Slaughter the weak
Destroy this Empire
End this realm

Purify the plains
Ravage the foes
Kill their beloved ones
Eradicate the heirs

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

Verse 2:

Engulf their armies
Match steel with steel
Purge their cities
Into an endless inferno

Sever the bloodlines
Leave none standing
The is the war
To end all wars

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

Bridge:

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines no longer can stay

Accoustic Break:

Surrender
No need for tears
No need for this war
We only want peace

Look to yourselves
You know the truth
If you desire silence
We will save you (And if you...)

Bridge (back to loudness):

Desire war, carnage, and the urge to maim
You arrogant bastards will see why we came!

(Instrumental Break)

Chorus Breakdown: (2x)

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

On the 3rd time, this overlaps the breakdown;

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines NO LONGER WILL STAY!!!
#2
Verse 1:

Unleash hell
Slaughter the weak
Destroy this Empire
End this realm

Purify the plains
Nice alliteration.
Ravage the foes
Kill their beloved ones
This line here seems out of place.
Eradicate the heirs

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
I don't like 'here'. Maybe 'ready to annihilate' or 'prepared to annilihate'.
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony
Bringing is a really common verb, I think a stronger verb would give us alot more and improve the chorus. Give us a word that's more specific, something that tells how they're bringing harmony.

Verse 2:

Engulf their armies
Match steel with steel
Purge their cities
Into an endless inferno

Sever the bloodlines
Leave none standing
The is the war
To end all wars

No complaints here. Nice verbs. More imagery may be needed, but other than that, these two verses are solid and work well for the song.

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

Bridge:

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
This day just doesn't sound right to me. Why not say 'today'?
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The restating with it seems unneeded to me.
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines no longer can stay
This seems to leave us hanging. It just cuts off. Stay what?

Accoustic Break:

Surrender
No need for tears
No need for this war
We only want peace
This completely contradicts the first two verses and the others. What do you mean right here?

Look to yourselves
You know the truth
If you desire silence
We will save you (And if you...)
I like this. Nice job.

Bridge (back to loudness):

Desire war, carnage, and the urge to maim
You arrogant bastards will see why we came!
I don't know if it was supposed to, but this part made me laugh. It's probably it my favorite part out of the entire song. Great job, man.

(Instrumental Break)

Chorus Breakdown: (2x)

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

On the 3rd time, this overlaps the breakdown;

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines NO LONGER WILL STAY!!!

Cool. I like the ending, except for the last line, but I've already mentioned why I don't like it. Overall, this is a great song. The tone is set pretty well and you know exactly what you are going to get as soon as you read the first verse. There were only a few rough patches, but other than that. Great job.

If you don't mind, please take a look at mine. It's called Ticking Time Bomb, thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
Thanks, man. That helped alot.

With "The legions on the sidelines no longer can stay," I just switched part of the subject and the predicate around. Mainly to get "stay" as the last word so it rhymes with "day." Sounded better than "The legions no longer can stay on the sidelines."

Bringing is a really common verb, I think a stronger verb would give us alot more and improve the chorus. Give us a word that's more specific, something that tells how they're bringing harmony.

Wow, I never thought about that. I'll look over this one and my other songs and see how I can change them using your advice.

This completely contradicts the first two verses and the others. What do you mean right here?

The song is about purifying the Earth of everybody, good or evil, as a means of bringing to the world true peace. The first verses was talking about the people who would opposed this and are inevitably damned. The accoustic break is refering to the people who don't desire fighting and don't want to suffer. If people "desire silence," they will die peacefully and painlessly, and spend eternity in heavenly bliss. If they "desire war, carnage, and the urge to maim," They suffer at the hands of the legions.

I guess this whole song is a reference to the apocalypse, now that I think of it.

I'll make the changes tonight and post it again. And I'll check your song out later, but I don't know how much help I'll be. I'm still sort of a novice as far as lyrics go.