#1
Let's take a trip back
to 2,000 years ago.
A time when the locals worshipped cats
and the Sphinx still had it's nose.
When being in denial
mean that you were swimmin'.
When curvy eyeliner wasn't just for women.

Throw a firstborn into the fire!
Wipe the locusts from your hair!
Fry frog legs!
Lather and smother thick blood on the adobe doors.

Babe, me and you just ain't got Tuttin' in common.
Poor advice.
#2
Wtf is this, country? Lame.

Just kidding.

Nice pun. It's a short piece, so there's not much to crit.
Wade in the water, child.