#1
This is something of a Acoustic/Rock Song
So yeah.....



I'm out of reasons to deify
As you clipped my wings
You think of you and me tonight
I still find a way to get by

If I could rise against this
I know I could fly
If I can die for love
I know you’re the reason

[Chorus::]
My sorrows have never been the same
And my lies seem too weak
I never felt so tame
And it still excites me when you speak
All my fears fade way too fast
I guess I needed someone to talk to
It’s all about the past, that I had to live
It was you that I needed to make me feel secure

I know its my pain when you leave someday
I know I need to throw my past aside
I know for some reason things will be the same
Come with me, open up your eyes
See the Broken feelings that you have one day
Sing with me And my blood soaked Mic

[Chorus]

I know you’re saved
Every time you look in my eyes
I’m enslaved
Every time I feel the way you do
You take me from my cruel world
And you’re still my forgotten angel
[Chorus]
Last edited by *Thundernation* at Feb 21, 2007,
#2
Quote by *Thundernation*



I'm out of reasons to deify
As you clipped my wings
You think of you and me tonight
I still find a way to get by
this flows nicely man. Nice way to start!

If I could rise against this
I know I could fly
If I can die for love
I know you’re the reason
this is good. The words are nice, but the part, if i can die for love i kno ur the reason, it kinda just leaves it hanging..maybe had ur the reason why or something.u kno? just a suggestiong tho lol. still nice stat! i like it.

[Chorus::]
My sorrows have never been the same
And my lies seem too weak
I never felt so tame
And it still excites me when you speak
All my fears fade way too fast
I guess I needed someone to talk to
It’s all about the past, that I had to live
It was you that I needed to make me feel secure
this chorus is intresting. In a goodway lol. Its nice and i can tell that there would be a backround solo going on. that would be sweet lol but just a suggestiong..umm the words arent really the most nicely flowing, but they are still good! could be tweaked a bit tho.

I know its my pain when you leave someday
I know I need to throw my past aside
I know for some reason things will be the same
Come with me, open up your eyes
See the Broken feelings that you have one day
Sing with me And my blood soaked Mic
this is nice, but the part, see the broken feelings that you have one day, dosent seem to right,the wording..maybe its just me but still its reasonable. The part that kinda confused me was the blood soaked mic i was like..O.O lol quite a twist if i say so myself

[Chorus]

I know you’re saved
Every time you look in my eyes
I’m enslaved
Every time I feel the way you do
You take me from my cruel world
And you’re still my forgotten angel
[Chorus]


Well with a few changes i think this song can be better than it is! but its good already. I liked it over all. It was nice an different for a change . I think it could be a 7.4 outta ten. anywaysa hope i helpedd!!! lol
#3
i just wanna say , thanks for the crit
Quote by *Thundernation*
This is something of a Acoustic/Rock Song
So yeah.....



I'm out of reasons to deify
As you clipped my wings
You think of you and me tonight
I still find a way to get by
depends on what the music is for this but "you think of you and me tonight" i think it should be "you think of us tonight", so you dont repeat you, it all depends on the music
If I could rise against this
I know I could fly
If I can die for love
I know you’re the reason
i liked how you started it with if and i , this flows good
[Chorus::]
My sorrows have never been the same
And my lies seem too weak
I never felt so tame
And it still excites me when you speak
All my fears fade way too fast
I guess I needed someone to talk to
It’s all about the past, that I had to live
It was you that I needed to make me feel secure
i like the rhyme scheme in this chorus, on the last 2 lines maybe make the last line rhyme...im not sure if its possibly, if you could do that it would be good, but dont force it
I know its my pain when you leave someday
I know I need to throw my past aside
I know for some reason things will be the same
Come with me, open up your eyes
See the Broken feelings that you have one day
Sing with me And my blood soaked Mic
the first 3 lines are a little repetetive, but if you put for the third line wont instead of will, it will flow better, and for the second to last line i think it should be " see the broken feelings that you once had that day
[Chorus]
instead of having another chorus right after another, if you could write a small bridge or another verse it would be better
I know you’re saved
Every time you look in my eyes
I’m enslaved
Every time I feel the way you do
You take me from my cruel world
And you’re still my forgotten angel
the last two lines dont realy go together, she takes you from your cruel world , but shes still your forgotten angel, it makes it sound like taken you from your cruel world is a bad thing, if you put, " so your my forgotten angel" it will mix better. other than that all good

[Chorus]





sounds good, kinda like a papa roach lyrical song...and i like papa roach lyrics...
nice song
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