#1
Alright, this is mostly what i did as i was surrounded by people talking about things that only the other person was interested in, and i sat there having a conversation in my head about whatever i was going through.

Crit for crit.


The Fire

People talk to each other
They live they laugh they love
And then there’s me
I get to hear about it.

I watch the fire
It’s yellow and burning
And I have to ask
How exactly does it give light to us?

How does the fire
Yellow as it is
Glow in the fireplace
Next to the television set
It’s a strange thing
And I’m only waiting for my time.

I am the middle square
8 surrounding me and
I hear them talk
Patiently quiet, I am only waiting.

How does the fire
Yellow as it is
Glow in the fireplace
Next to the television set
It’s a strange thing
And I’m only waiting for my time.
#2
Quote by Bmm386
Alright, this is mostly what i did as i was surrounded by people talking about things that only the other person was interested in, and i sat there having a conversation in my head about whatever i was going through.

Crit for crit.


The Fire

People talk to each other
They live they laugh they love
And then there’s me
I get to hear about it.

even though they is in excess in 2nd line it still sounds nice to me


I watch the fire
It’s yellow and burning
And I have to ask
How exactly does it give light to us?

change the 3 rd line to much of i going on maybe and 4 th seems to be bit forced

And i ask myself


How does the fire
Yellow as it is
Glow in the fireplace
Next to the television set
It’s a strange thing
And I’m only waiting for my time.

last line has too many sylables as compared to other lines

I am the middle square
8 surrounding me and
I hear them talk
Patiently quiet, I am only waiting.



these 2 lines are bit weird try

waiting quite patiently
hearing them talk



How does the fire
Yellow as it is
Glow in the fireplace
Next to the television set
It’s a strange thing
And I’m only waiting for my time.

Above stanza was good in middle but not as good as in end atleast thats what i feel





overall idea is good but i think a revision can do it much better
Hi