#1
eventually well all see
like a sinking ships captain
who lost the ships key
too afraid to drown
but too proud to flee
he sits down and sings to me

the waves pull us further apart
my habits like crests, the broken down heart
we drift through the ocean, float aimlessly
till we cross a meaning for free

i found freedom is makebelieve
like a childhood thought of friends imaginery
so its best to find peace and a quiet place to die
nobody to make you cry
i come from the oldtime baby
too late for you to save me
#2
i played it like a sublime song and i liked it, my favorite was the first stanza, the second was good, but i didnt like the third one, dont know why, just didnt.... well, just keep adding to it, or dont whatever floats your boat (hehe). its good my friend
#3
Quote by apples!
eventually well all see
like a sinking ships captain
who lost the ships key
too afraid to drown
but too proud to flee
he sits down and sings to me

the first line leads awkwardly into the next line and i maybe would suggest wording that a bit differently if thats possible. otherwise i like this a lot

the waves pull us further apart
my habits like crests, the broken down heart
we drift through the ocean, float aimlessly
till we cross a meaning for free

i liked this all, even the use of broken down heart, you made it work. excepppt the last line it was a little blunt and took away from the build up of this piece.

i found freedom is makebelieve
like a childhood thought of friends imaginery
so its best to find peace and a quiet place to die
nobody to make you cry[

honestly this is really straightforward but i fu.cking loved the ending. the last line especially is straight foward but its so honest you can't not like it.
/FONT]


im looking foward to reading more of your writing i loved this
9/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=8335347#post8335347
if you have time
#4
really liked the first verse part it is a great effort nice job!
I wrote a song about war...
The kind that lives in your head.