#1
Ok, I've got two songs I'm working this on this one is done I'll post the other one later tonite. This goes with a doomy, sabbathy riff.

Like an evil messiah
Coming from the depths of hell
That damned beast of ancient lore
Rises from his cursed jail

Yes it is truly the devil
And who knows why he's here
But perhaps to spread evil
And go about invoking fear

As blood covers the ground
No animal makes a sound
And dark storm clouds abound
It is Hell on earth
#2
This sounds really forced. I mean, it gets intense from line 1. Thats not very good. To get a better type of vibe, build up the tension, dont let it all loose from line 1.
#3
Like an evil messiah
I suggest not using this to start the song. You're comparing something right off the bat before we even know what the hell it is. It just doesn't make the best hook. Also, I think you should definitely just call it an evil messiah as opposed to saying it is like one.
Coming from the depths of hell
Coming is such a weak verb. To paint a better image and create more of an impact with this, I suggest using a stronger, more specific verb. How exactly did he come?
That damned beast of ancient lore
The damned beast seems to work alot better to me. IDK, it's probably just personal preference.
Rises from his cursed jail

Yes it is truly the devil
Could you maybe find a subtler way of putting this?
And who knows why he's here
This line is really useless, it may set up for the next one, but it really destroys some of your crediability as the storyteller. You're claiming that you don't know why he's here, which contradicts in my mind the fact that you have presented yourself as an omniescent narrator in the first verse. The shift can really confuse a guy.
But perhaps to spread evil
And go about invoking fear
Go about? This phrase doesn't really fit the tone of the rest of the song to me.

As blood covers the ground
No animal makes a sound
And dark storm clouds abound
Too much obvious rhyming here for my tastes. Be careful with how much you rhyme. It can make your song seem like a nursery rhyme or annoy the listener.
It is Hell on earth
Great ending. It really sums up the song quite well.

Overall, I think you need more to this. Something like this needs a build up like the guy above me said. So, please write more.

I hope this helps a bit. Please take a look at mine and return the favor, I'd appreciate it. It's called Ticking Time Bomb, thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep