#1
I go about my days
In a daze
In a nihilistic way

Can someone tell me the true goal
Of this game we all play?

There's nothing after this
I've ruled that out
But these questions in my head seem to question my doubt

We're running around each day
Can someone tell me why?
Would it matter tomorrow
If we lived or we died?

Why does the so called truth
Feel like a lie?
Does it matter what I do
Or if I even try?

We're in a never-ending cycle
Of just getting by
And though it might be easier to live without a mind
I keep asking why?

And although I’ve figured nothing out
I’ll still go on my way
But I must live life for myself
I must live for today
I'm a rockstar without the skills, fame, or income.


Washington Redskins
Last edited by beastiebeatles at Feb 22, 2007,
#2
Quote by beastiebeatles


I go about my days
In a nihilistic way
Can someone tell me the goal
Of this game we all play?

sets the mood for the song well. Proper intro verse with a good illustration. I also broke this up to read better.

There's nothing after this
I've ruled that out
But these questions in my head seem to question my doubt

the Question in the verse is redundant. Try to be more creative with the words chosen, GREAT place for a metaphore. Like, Pandora's box hidden less secure, World hidden in waves of delusions of Grandeur.

We're running around each day
Can someone tell me why?
Would it matter tomorrow
If we lived or we died?

I love this stanza. Great flow, Great ironic questioning. Absolutely my favorite in this writing.

Why does the so called truth
Feel like a lie?
Does it matter what I do
Or if I even try?

Close second for my favorite, Well written and fits the theme great.

We're in a never ending cycle
Of just getting by
And although I've figured nothing out
I'll still go on my way
But the only way that I can live at the moment
Is for today

This is a good ending, Just need to make it flow into, "Is for today." Better for a killer finish.


Superb work, With a quick tune up it will be great.

If you could please take a look at one of my newest pieces, I would be all of flattered.

And Peace Shall Sleep....
The Unfillable Void.

both on first page.
Quote by Leybick

you're going to try and tell me girls don't piss out of their asses?


Gear:
Agile AL-3100 Gold-top Les Paul
Vox Valvtronix 15 watt
#3
^ You're right, it did need to be broken up but I really liked the 2nd verse, it's simple but powerful. Also, do you have any particular suggestions to flow into "Is for today" better?
I'm a rockstar without the skills, fame, or income.


Washington Redskins
Last edited by beastiebeatles at Feb 22, 2007,
#4
We're in a never ending cycle
Of just getting by
Even though I've figured nothing out
I keep on asking why?
So listen as I told you,
And to what I have to say,
I must live my life for myself,
and that is for today.

That Is what I got, Without a lot of thought, Just flows better. let me know what you think
Quote by Leybick

you're going to try and tell me girls don't piss out of their asses?


Gear:
Agile AL-3100 Gold-top Les Paul
Vox Valvtronix 15 watt
#6
Quote by Deluster
We're in a never ending cycle
Of just getting by
Even though I've figured nothing out
I keep on asking why?
So listen as I told you,
And to what I have to say,
I must live my life for myself,
and that is for today.

That Is what I got, Without a lot of thought, Just flows better. let me know what you think

Ok, thanks, I'll use that if thats ok with you
I'm a rockstar without the skills, fame, or income.


Washington Redskins