#1
eh....these are all right. kinda?

"Underlings: The Oppressed"

I feel my soul ripped apart
A never ending nightmare
Thoughtless mind destruction
Of me you should beware

This worthless police state
The prison of my country
In this cell slowly I die
A victim of my own hate

Blessed be the one
Blessed be our time

Through the eyes of the dead
A world so great
A world so great

Killing for pleasure
Living for hate
This is an absolute mission
Of which I will berate

Why have you done this?
You piece of trash
Never forgiven
I'm burned to ash
#2
"Underlings: The Oppressed"

I feel my soul ripped apart
A never ending nightmare
Thoughtless mind destruction
Of me you should beware Nice rhyming but i cant tell the flow because u dont use punctuation.

This worthless police state
The prison of my country
In this cell slowly I die
A victim of my own hate I dont really understand what ur trying to say in this stanza..

Blessed be the one
Blessed be our time

Through the eyes of the dead
A world so great
A world so great

Killing for pleasure
Living for hate
This is an absolute mission
Of which I will berate Probably sound better with, "shall" instead of "will"

Why have you done this?
You piece of trash
Never forgiven
I'm burned to ash Didn't really like this last stanza.. dont know why, its only my opinion.

This was an overall good piece, even tho it was short, but length doesn't matter,"its not the quantity that matters but the quality"....4/5
Crit4Crit?