Poll: POOP.
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View poll results: POOP.
purple.
9 53%
blue.
8 47%
Voters: 17.
#1
#3

The first steps of a newborn
are always the easiest-
a natural event, poured
from past glasses of blood.
Taken slowly, they can prove
to become a hyperbole of
excitement, with blinding
flashes and mouths aghast.
But too quick a pace
and a trip over the invisible
is inevitable.

I waited to watch the shoreline
and plan the path ahead-
meticulously dividing the sands
into segments.

The first paces lead me across
the prickly grounds, the heat
growing as the sun centres itself.
Sweat keeps me moving
towards the sound of dripping wine.

I create a thought-
treading on an Island
that no-one is aware of, I realise that
not even my own eyes have seen
how the coast curves.

It's all unmapped;
so I take out my pen
and sketch this first shore.

It dips and it dives and it sinks
into small slides that I can caress
onto the clean canvas.
This landscape talks to me
about it's peaceful ways;
the calm, the light wind
that never makes it too cold.

I ask why it broadcasts no drama-
why the birds sing in tune,
why the sun beats in time
and how the overhangs
present no danger to the
brittlest of bones.

Answering me with cuteness,
the waves subtly manouevre the sands
into mountains, plains, and pathways.



icarus

they call me icarus;
my wings are carved from saline scabs
and pallid whispers of peppermint blisters.
these days have become so barren
that i have turned to apophenia,
but one day, i will find a snake
to fill my cataracts with ink.
with cygnus as my bivouac,
i'll cross these turbid waters.
i will taste the stillborn sun,
or be swallowed by the sea.

I just want to sleep forever.


#4
^ Respectable.

Its not really a decent match up. The length is battering blue. Both are decent pieces, but I have toagree with the masses and say purple.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#5
^ Respectable.


I agree. I've never voted for myself. I vote for the other persons if I thin kthere's is better- if I believe I have the better piece I don't vote.

#7
Ok, I enjoyed both pieces, and I think the subject matter is very similar in both.

Your styles are incredibly different though. Kyle, with a concise, almost terse style, and Jamie with a lavish, imagery-filled(with stanzas devoted to nothing but this.) style. I liked both pieces, and up until Jamie's final stanza he probably would have gotten my vote.

But "Answering me with cuteness,"? Come on! I don't know who to vote for now, so I'll sit on it today and vote tonight. But really, fix that line for later competitions.
#8
Ah I like it.

But looking back on it, I see it doesn't really fit the tone, which I accept now. It'll be change sometime

But really, each stanzas will be important once I'm done with this. I'm still planning on at least another three parts to this, possibly more, we'll see.

#9
Quote by Jammydude44
I agree. I've never voted for myself. I vote for the other persons if I thin kthere's is better- if I believe I have the better piece I don't vote.



Yeah like me, although I dont care if I win or loose, even if it meant I'd loose I'd vote for an opponant, if they placed their vote for me.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#10
icarus's vocab weighs it down. #3 though.. i wish you had ditched "cuteness." it's silly. still, purple prevails.
#13
what the fuck?

i forgot about this, thinking that i'd lost already
and there was no possible way of coming back.
and then i'm one vote behind because a bunch
of people who i've NEVER seen in here before,
almost all of whom have numbers in the place
of letters in their usernames, voted for mine?

hahaha i'm glad i didn't win, because that
would be a really shitty way of winning.

I just want to sleep forever.


#16
How is it a shitty way to win?

If anything, it's a shitty way to los eonly by one.

All my votes came from posters in S+L. Please explain why you're saying why its a bad way to win?
#17
becauseeeeee. i'd feel like i don't deserve to win
by getting like. 8 votes all at once from people
who (i know i'm really generalizing here) probably
didn't read very far into either of our pieces. so.
i guess it's kind of stupid for me to think that,
but i'd feel bad about winning, cause i'd feel
like i really didn't deserve to get all those votes.

OH. did you think i was talking about your win?

noooooo!

i think you deserved to win!

i was saying that if i won, it would be in a bad way.
you won it in a good way! i swear i'm not an asshole!

EDIT: in fact... all the people who voted for me joined yesterday,
and they all have their only one (or two) posts in the same one thread.
that's actually really weird and should probably be checked into.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Feb 27, 2007,
#19
Well, you would have drawn, but i was too late. I thought Kyle's was punchy and effective, but also, Jamie's was excellent as well - completely different to what he normally writes. However, i personally was drawn more to Icarus.

Sorry i was too late!