#1
Questions( is the title but if u like something else suggest a change)

She put a dagger in my heart
And now she says she wants me back
i dont know if i can trust her
that was lost when she screwed with my friend

chorus
Do i love her
can i trust her
do i want her
these are the questions i need answered
i wish i could rewind all this

back when we were happy
we were on the phone everynight
back then her smile made me smile
now all it makes is pain

i thought it was perfect
guess i was wrong
cuz i walked in on a kiss with my friend
she said it was nothing
that she was drunk and still loves me
but i dont know

CHORUS

she was my one and only
guess i wasn't hers
she stabbed me in the back
and now she wants me back
i just don't understand

i go to school
but im really not there
i just sit and think
what are her intentions
does she want to hurt me more
or does she want to heal my wounds
i really dont know

CHORUS


[Here is the second song i have written.The first one is warzone check it out and crit it please. This one needs help with the rhyming. if u dont have suggestions to make it better just leave a rating.
broken heart please crit my song:warzone


PAPA ROACH KICKS A$$!!!!

GO SENS GO!!!
THE CUP IS YOURS!!!
#2
She put a dagger in my heart
And now she says she wants me back
i dont know if i can trust her
that was lost when she screwed with my friend

a lot of people would say dagger is a bad word, that you should use a metaphor or a better bladed word, but i think this is perfect the way it is, it shows realism not prettied up word art, just straight up truth. I like this opener!

chorus
Do i love her
can i trust her
do i want her
these are the questions i need answered
i wish i could rewind all this

This chorus is simple, short, and i'll have to admitt kinda catchy, but the last line "I wish I could rewind all this" just doesn't work too much for me, I think the other four lines are all you really need. Still a good chorus.

back when we were happy
we were on the phone everynight
back then her smile made me smile
now all it makes is pain

I wish your verses were longer, I picture them kind of fastly sung giving you room for a lot to say, just let it flow, you have the skill to tell a song-story, let the verses flow a little longer.

i thought it was perfect
guess i was wrong
cuz i walked in on a kiss with my friend
she said it was nothing
that she was drunk and still loves me
but i dont know

Nice verse-interlude thing here, it really kinda caught me off gaurd I am happy to see you have a long stanza here, I think this works really well, but i think the fact that a girl would say a kiss was nothing, and that she was drunk so she kissed a dude, it seems real, but not something to freak out about, but again, I like the realism in this, maybe you should just add in more dialogue possibly?

CHORUS

she was my one and only
guess i wasn't hers
she stabbed me in the back
and now she wants me back
i just don't understand

I don't like the use of back at the end of the line twice in a row, it just bothers me, maybe she backstabbed me or something along those lines. Other then that really good.

i go to school
but im really not there
i just sit and think
what are her intentions
does she want to hurt me more
or does she want to heal my wounds
i really dont know

I like this, it leaves the reader/listener kind of in your position you know, sitting in class and focusing on your problems rather than schooling, it shows really what it's like to be in this situation, because I've seen and been in it before, good work!

CHORUS


I like how this song is a giant question and i think it deserves a part two maybe called "Answers" or something, maybe a short poem in response, but i think for our sake if you're going to write a question song, answer it for us, your amazing at story-telling, so tell us some stories.

I like this song I really do, nice work, just work on rhyming, I'm not that good with it myself soo i won't help with that.
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