#1
This is about a seventeen year old girl who once clung and sometimes still tries to cling to me for sex, but I'm twenty-one, and I've almost been down the road once and I'm not doing it again. She thinks I'm hot because we used to work together and I write and play guitar, she only digs me when her preppy high school wrestling boyfriend(s) cheat on her. But enough of the side story I couldn't decide on a title, so feel free to help me choose, and if you have trouble with the flow, think of an Aerosmith song with a punk energy... yep!

Barely Seventeen or Girl With The Whole Cake

Chorus
Jukin’ and jivin’ baby
Divin’ right into ya
Look into these eyes they’re
Starin’ right through ya

Kinda scary huh?

Verse 1
Scary like big Mary, piggin’ out on Ben and Jerry’s
In the backseat, how sweet
Is the girl with a mouth full of cake
Get some milk to wash it down, you’re gonna choke for heavens sake
Oh, fat jokes but better not laugh
Or she won’t gimmie half
And that’s all I want is some
F*ck with her and I won’t get none

Chorus
Jukin’ and jivin’ baby
Divin’ right into ya
Look into these eyes they’re
Starin’ right through ya

Kinda scary huh?

Verse 2
Momma said you better slim down fast, take a look at her fat ass
It makes me sick, real quick
Can’t get up enough energy to speak
There you go starvin' yourself just to get into a size three
Look good but not like your sister
Guess I’ll have you since I missed her
Princess you play cute real well
But if I sleep-with you I’ll go to jail

Chorus
Jukin’ and jivin’ baby
Divin’ right into ya
Look into these eyes they’re
Starin’ right through ya

Kinda scary huh?

Verse 3
Hot shit now your gonna tease, for every boy get on your knees
Work your mouth to get loose, it gets use
Skin tight and pretty in pink,
At least that’s what everbody lets you think
Drunk sex and then we’ll have some fun
Then after that I swear I’m done
Leave you alone and just let it be
Gimmie a call when you turn eighteen

Chorus
Jukin’ and jivin’ baby
Divin’ right into ya
Look into these eyes they’re
Starin’ right through ya

Bridge
It’s time to flaunt
Everything you think you’ve got

It’s time to flaunt
Everything you think you’ve got

Chorus
Jukin’ and jivin’ baby
Divin’ right into ya
Look into these eyes they’re
Starin’ right through ya

Kinda scary huh?

Have your cake and eat it to (the whole thing)

Have your cake and eat it to (the whole thing)

That’s all you wanted from me
Now that’s all I want from you

It’s kinda scary huh?
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
Last edited by punkrockconcept at Feb 24, 2007,
#2
Sounds like a crazy story man. Is she good in bed? She better be!

Sorry for not crit-ing, i just can't really find the melody.
#3
yeah man, she's a champ, just don't wanna touch that again.
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#4
Lol yeah with what you've told me, i wouldn't touch that again. But unless she was really really really good. I mean like holy god...that was great sort of thing. Next time ur in bed with her, ask her how many times she's ****ed. Then you will know what to do.
#5
she's gorgeous and all but she's not my type man. when she gets of age I might call her for a f*ck buddy though... thats kinda what this songs all about anyway
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#6
I love it. Great feel of comedy in this song, Even if thats not the first point.

I really enjoyed it because I know some similar girls, And this one kind of struck home, Reminding me about highschool.

Wonderful piece, Some places could be worded to flow better, but they are minor.

Take a look at one of mine, And Peace Shall Sleep or The Unfillable void. I am proud of both.

Thanks a lot.
Quote by Leybick

you're going to try and tell me girls don't piss out of their asses?


Gear:
Agile AL-3100 Gold-top Les Paul
Vox Valvtronix 15 watt
#7
I liked it...comedy, emotion, sex, political correctness, and some other cazy messages...it's really quite good.

I have some minor issues about rhyme and flow, but that still doesn't detract from the actual words, so I'm gonna leave that to myself...so a good 9/10 for me

If you're still debating a title 'Barely Seventeen' reminds me of 'I saw her standing there' by The Beatles, so personally i would go for the other one

If you get the chance could you have a look at mine "Bella Donna"? Cheers