#1
six billion types of gibberish

i'll spend my life learning, i'll say
so i'll have achieved something
for the good of the world.

but then it'll be the end of my life
and i'll die with six billion types of gibberish
speaking at once

and i'll have too much of a headache to tell anyone.

they all say the same thing.

red light
green light
one two three
Last edited by punchupatatigge at Feb 24, 2007,
#3
On first glance, I think you used "I'll" a little too much, but then you might have been going for something. I'll get back to this later.

Quote by Cal UK
Alk hit the nail on the head there.
#7
On second glance all I have to say is that I don't like the use of "my friend" and "I'll say." But that's just me, and I'm betting that they are there for a reason. Good piece though. Interesting, like everything you write.

EDIT: Ummmmm could you bump mine? I don't care about a crit, just a bump... please?

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=532464
Quote by Cal UK
Alk hit the nail on the head there.
Last edited by Alk 3 addict at Feb 24, 2007,
#8
six billion types of gibberish
six billion types of gibberish, my friend

i'll spend my life learning, i'll say
so i'll have achieved something
for the good of the world.

but then it'll be the end of my life
and i'll die with six billion types of gibberish
speaking at once

and i'll have too much of a headache to tell anyone.

they all say the same thing.

red light
green light
one two three

ahah I really quite like this, it makes sense. And is actually a valid point about the world, like the cocktail party syndrome. Its a decent li'l piece. Be proud. Sorry thats all I got.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#9
six billion types of gibberish, my friend <---- honestly, i don't think you need this line. the phrase "six billion types of gibberish" is more effective if you leave it for later

i'll spend my life learning, i'll say
so i'll have achieved something
for the good of the world. <--- great stanza, great sentiment

but then it'll be the end of my life
and i'll die with six billion types of gibberish
speaking at once <---- see! this is where you should use that phrase for the first time.

and i'll have too much of a headache to tell anyone.

they all say the same thing.

red light
green light
one two three

i like it. it's straightforward, excellent concept. i'll be looking for more stuff from you. : )