#1
okay this is a real basic song but it really sums up a certain part of my life. i wrote it a couple years ago but am just now deciding to record it. so i did a short demo this morning.

what do you guys think the song needs. i dont want it to be too elegant but its 3 chords the whole time so far and im gonna write a bridge for it and cut one of the last chorus lines.

crit 4 crit for sure

link: http://www.carlroad.com/www.htm

lyrics:

I lay my head into my arms
i hope for a better day
i would to ask you if you've seen her
pretty soon the lights will fade away

i could talk to you for hours
i could talk to you for days
but you'd never hear nothing
never hear the words i say


trapped in a daze a blizzard of confusion sets in
a dull moment turns to suicide
forgotten dreams of another day
id run but there is no where left to hide


there is still something missing from me
my bitter soul wont let it go
an emotion not worth the tradgedy
thats something you already know
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#2
I really like the intro.
First thing that struck me in the start of the singing was that it could use tiny bit of reverb, and that it should be a bit louder so you can hear the text better.
When the backing vocals come in, the first sentence sounds a bit messy but after that it sounds great, nice job with the changing of the voice "style"!

solo! yay! very nice, the tone fit the song nicely and overall it was a great addition to the song.

Overall, I liked it, I loved the rythm guitar all the way through (nice tone). The vocals were alright, I think they could be better quality, but they were really my only concern
#3
yeah, vocals are always a total depressing bummer for me to record. i only have a cheapa$$ mic and i just know they'll never sound too good so i dont spend time on them. these ones were one take on 2 tracks. thats how lazy, but i hope to demo songs then go to a real studio and do them.

thanks man
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#4
i love it!, vocals are really sorta NIN style, dnt know if thats what your aiming for, but i like it. That guitar intro is beautiful, really, i dno the words to decribe what i mean lol. and the solo, love it
Gibson SG (Heavily modded)
Fender USA Strat
Hohner 12 String-uber rare

Fender Silverface Twin

EHX Big Muff
Digitech badmonkey overdrive
Boss DS-1
Blackstar Distortion X
Dunlop Crybaby
Ibanez Delay
Digitech Whammy
#5
Really great! I wouldn't change a thing (just add some drums).
The intro is great and you put full chords in the right moments.
Great job, solo is also great; it totaly fits within the music.
The vocals are good, don't think they sould be louder, dunno..

Like I said be4, I wouldn't change a thing (I'd just had some drums). great future
hands down.
#6
good guitar stuff, but you have the worst voice i've ever heard. i think my ears are bleeding, but they recover when its only guitar. thank you. Suicide? Pshhhh
#7
i think that is very harsh^^, i mean he's no pavarotti, but i think thats wat makes the songs kool, its that realy sorta musky voice i love it.


badbrad-dont let the bastards grind you down, keep it real, keep it rockin
Gibson SG (Heavily modded)
Fender USA Strat
Hohner 12 String-uber rare

Fender Silverface Twin

EHX Big Muff
Digitech badmonkey overdrive
Boss DS-1
Blackstar Distortion X
Dunlop Crybaby
Ibanez Delay
Digitech Whammy
#8
Quote by Shreddar003
good guitar stuff, but you have the worst voice i've ever heard. i think my ears are bleeding, but they recover when its only guitar. thank you. Suicide? Pshhhh



that isnt exactly critique. i know i dont have the coolest or best voice in the world thanks for listening anyway
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#10
no its two acoustic tracks there are 2 diff riffs through out most of it. the vocals wont be nearly as bad when i sit down to do them well.
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#14
yeah, the link in my sig is the other stuff i do for fun when im in the mood
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#15
any body have any other critiques for this song or the ones in my sig (more heavier metal)

C4C
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm
#16
I liked this song. The vocals weren't bad, and the guitar playing was very good. I loved the two complimenting guitar parts. It was beautiful. Maybe if you recorded the vocals with a little higher quality it would sound better, but I thought it was very good. The intro guitar part was my favorite part, and the solo was also very good. When I heard the count-in I thought this was going to be a very heavy song, but I was surprised. I think you should harmonize the vocals or put some kind of effect on them. This reminds me of... oh man I heard it on the radio this morning - It's an acoustic metal song - what is that called. I want to say its 10 years - wasteland, but I don't think that's it. Oh man what's it called?! Anyway, good job. Mind critting mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=522091
#17
thanks for the complements man! your stuff was very rockin'! i hate recording vocals it sucks so badly.soo soo badly
\M/ b4br4d \M/

carlroad.com/maggotbomb.htm