#1
Do me a favor and cut me from these chains that hold me down
Or tell me all I want to hear and stop messing around
Because it is getting severely old in this so-called game
When the players are crazy and ignorance is to blame.

You were using so im losing and now accusing.
And all the pain and disdain is leaving me insane.

So i jump and hit the street
Beneath the lights that should have lit the way before my feet.

I remember back then when the world was just beginning
And not a thing in this new world could keep me from winning
Until you came around and became the thing to drop me
To my knees. Knock me on my ass... Walk away without me...

Now im screaming while im dreaming, tears in eyes gleaming.
And all the pain and disdain is leaving me insane.

So i jump and hit the street
Beneath the lights that should have lit the way before my feet.

Broken.
Unspoken.
Cheated.
Defeated.

Regardless, i fight back.
Despite this, i attack.
Shockingly, you will flee.
Angrily, run from me.

Now i jump and hit the street.
Stand strong beneath the lights that light the way before my feet.
#2
Do me a favor and cut me from these chains that hold me down
Or tell me all I want to hear and stop messing around
Because it is getting severely old in this so-called game
When the players are crazy and ignorance is to blame.
It just doesn't really flow for me. I don't know what it is. The syllables are just about to match, but I just don't think it flows. Sorry no suggestions here.


You were using so im losing and now accusing.
And all the pain and disdain is leaving me insane.
Meh. I'm not really a fan of the AAA BBB chorus rhyme scheme. But it definately fits. And doesn't sound too bad.


So i jump and hit the street
Beneath the lights that should have lit the way before my feet.
The first line is definately too short. All the lines in the song are long, so this one seems out of place. I would have said something like "Even before i jump i already hit the street." But that's just me.


I remember back then when the world was just beginning
And not a thing in this new world could keep me from winning
Until you came around and became the thing to drop me
To my knees. Knock me on my ass... Walk away without me...
The only thing i would change, would be in the last line. "Knees" does not rhyme with "me," no matter how hard you try. I would have put "Walk away without me please." I think that makes it flow better.


Now im screaming while im dreaming, tears in eyes gleaming.
And all the pain and disdain is leaving me insane.
Good, but not great. Like I said, I'm not a fan of the rhyme scheme here, but others probably will be. It's unique, which is always a good thing.


So i jump and hit the street
Beneath the lights that should have lit the way before my feet.
Refer to suggestion for previous lines.


Broken.
Unspoken.
Cheated.
Defeated.
I think this part is absolutely great. The only thing I would change, would be the rhyme scheme. You gotta keep people guessing man. I would switch it to ABAB instead of AABB.


Regardless, i fight back.
Despite this, i attack.
Shockingly, you will flee.
Angrily, run from me.
I think the "you will flee" part doesn't fit. It's just like you put "I' and "me" in the other lines, I would take out the "will." It just doesn't flow right sorry.


Now i jump and hit the street.
Stand strong beneath the lights that light the way before my feet.
I like this line. The shortness at the end of the song really adds impact.

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All in all very very very well written.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=530283