#1
Give me some critism if I have any.

The ceiling fan slowly turining round and round
But how, it's been off an hour since now
I'm terrified, my boxers are turning brown
My face is so white I'm starting to look like a clown
Suddenly appeared this freaking looking guy
The scary thing was, he was missing an eye
He told me "Move and I'll shank"
I just stared, face looking blank
I realised that the door was three feet away
I'll just wait till he looks the other way
But it really didn't happen that way
He just stared at me, in hand was his shank
I can't beleive all this shit is happening today

Boo-ooo-oo
This ghost is detecting my every move
But why-yyy-yyy me
Is the one he's terrorizing
I caaa-aaa-aaan't believe
All this shit is happening to me

I know the name of your lacal bar
Toothpaste color, brand of car
I know your age and how tall you are
But all of that shit doesn't matter now
Cause soon you'll be buried under ground
Cause in this house, you haven't taken my place
In everybody's eyes you're a fuckin discrace
I'm gonna shove a shovel down your face
Or maybe hang you by your ****in shoelace

He tricked him and whipped out his shank
Cut off his nose, eyes, mouth, and ears
Nobody saw him for 13 years.
#2
Euhm .... I think you'd do fine in the area of "rap".

But if you want to be "a respected artist", delete the thread for god's sake.
#3
Quote by PollutedSoul
Euhm .... I think you'd do fine in the area of "rap".

But if you want to be "a respected artist", delete the thread for god's sake.


Yes, that's it. Come into a thread where I want some critism on my lyrics and flame a genre instead. You are uber cool.
#4
Ignore that idiot.

I like it pretty much, sounds like a wacky ODB kinda joint. You got a beat for it?

I tried to flow with it, but sometimes it ain't as smooth as could be... but I like.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#6
I could, but I suck.

You'd be better off asking Masta, he's miles better.

But I strongly recommend that you write your lyrics to a beat, if it's the other way round you gotta change the lyrics round to make them fit etc.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#7
as for fitting in to a beat, you could hit a few syllables super fast so u dont hav to cut them out or keep them long so u dont hav to ad extra, like 16th and half notes.

jsut make sure the words u say this way are ones you want to accentuate so it doesnt seem like ur messing around jsut to make it fit
Quote by Righteous
Is that Chuck Norris in your avator? I never thought of him as a shredder really... a shredder of bodies maybe.


Member: "I died a little inside when Steve Irwin died...RIP" club. Put in your sig to join

Self Proclaimed Master of Typos
#8
Thanks for the advise.
But right now I don't know if they should be sung or rapped.
#9
Yeah, but it's all about fitting them with the rhythm... I dunno

You have any gear or soft synths? Try making a beat, or heck, just download an instrumental and try it out...
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#14
Quote by glm
Give me some critism if I have any.

The ceiling fan slowly turining round and round
But how, it's been off an hour since now
I'm terrified, my boxers are turning brown
My face is so white I'm starting to look like a clown
Suddenly appeared this freaking looking guy
The scary thing was, he was missing an eye
He told me "Move and I'll shank"
I just stared, face looking blank
I realised that the door was three feet away
I'll just wait till he looks the other way
But it really didn't happen that way
He just stared at me, in hand was his shank
I can't beleive all this shit is happening today

Boo-ooo-oo
This ghost is detecting my every move
But why-yyy-yyy me
Is the one he's terrorizing
I caaa-aaa-aaan't believe
All this shit is happening to me

I know the name of your lacal bar
Toothpaste color, brand of car
I know your age and how tall you are
But all of that shit doesn't matter now
Cause soon you'll be buried under ground
Cause in this house, you haven't taken my place
In everybody's eyes you're a fuckin discrace
I'm gonna shove a shovel down your face
Or maybe hang you by your ****in shoelace

He tricked him and whipped out his shank
Cut off his nose, eyes, mouth, and ears
Nobody saw him for 13 years.


that's my favorite part (in bold), i liike the flow there alot, the rest was pretty good and it was a good concept