#1
I was standing at the bus stop and the first verse and chorus of a song came into my head fully formed. I'm not sure how good it is... It's called banana hammock for other reasons... but tell me what you think


Fingers hit the snooze at 6:15
the first step to my mundane morning routine.
Out of bed, and out of time
I'm praying that this day'll turn around just fine

Standing on the corner in the pouring rain
The freezing weather creates an indescribable pain
I may sound a little dramatic
but i know that my teacher is a Satan fanatic

CHORUS
But i got all that I need
If this will kill me please proceed
because my darlin' you are mine
but the words I can't define
c4c


Quote by ckellingc


So I threw a rock at her.

Fuck heelies.
Last edited by ChickMagnet41 at Feb 24, 2007,
#2
You should probably come up with another rhyme scheme because many songs dont have AABBCCDD lycris.. srry, but the rhymes were good, maybe reword it to another scheme


Fingers hit the snooze at 6:15
the first step to my mundane morning routine.
Out of bed, and out of time
I'm praying that this day'll turn around just fine Good way of starting it

Standing on the corner in the pouring rain
The freezing weather creates an indescribable pain
I may sound a little dramatic
but i know that my teacher is a Satan fanaticLol, i really like the last 2 lines, i feel the same way.

CHORUS
But i got all that I need
If this will kill me please proceed
because my darlin' you are mine
but the words I can't define I dont see how the chorus fits in with the verse... if you write more verses and maybe a bridge, i might understand why you chose this chorus

This was good except for wat i pointed out... you should write the rest. 3.5/5