#1
posted a poem here

because no one is reading it/ giving me crit in the songwriting/lyrics section?


i wont until i get some feedback
#4
wow, already have more responses here than in the songwriting thread xD
k here goes


Embers

The bell sounds and takes its toll
it haunts these hallowed halls and forgets my name
True to its word, so very unlike your soft sporadic heart
Much like the climate to the west you change directions faster than the wind
So set sail on concrete roads,
You'll never reach your destination riding tangents like these.
These flames used to roar but are now left as ashes and a few selected embers
A hearty tone turned to a shallow current.
Was this not where wellness graced?
Wellness, an understatement, this place expelled purification and virtues.
How truly lone I am,
For my name has been forgotten like that of a leaf that falls when autumn arrives.
Soon to be gathered in masses and wasted away.
This night screams atrophy as it wilts and withers away...
Or is it just my memory?
Either way, things haven't been the same recently...


crit?
#5
Its good, but shouldnt it be "set sail on concrete waves"?

Otherwise the metaphor doesnt quite make sense...

Edit: Reading it again, it almost seems slightly... pretentious? Its not the exact word im looking for, but close enough.

But I do like it
Last edited by umop-3p!sdn at Feb 24, 2007,
#6
No not really cause if you post here then everyone will start posting their poems/lyrics in the Pit and then only people who want to look at poems/lyrics will come here thus defying the purpose of the SW&L Forum. If no one's giving you feedback that's tough, but it happens. The best way to get someone to check it out is to crit one of their pieces and then leave them a link. Most people will do Crit4Crit.
#7
Quote by NGD1313
No not really cause if you post here then everyone will start posting their poems/lyrics in the Pit and then only people who want to look at poems/lyrics will come here thus defying the purpose of the SW&L Forum. If no one's giving you feedback that's tough, but it happens. The best way to get someone to check it out is to crit one of their pieces and then leave them a link. Most people will do Crit4Crit.


i crit about 7

no replies

shh.
#8
I like it.


See the problem with posting it in the Pit is that you won't get the same response as you would in S&L. Because most people would rather talk about masturbation.
#10
Quote by JadeFalcon5
i crit about 7

no replies

shh.


Did you leave a link and ask for a crit? And more importantly did you wait a little while? STUNNING FACT AHEAD: People aren't on UG all the time. Wait for them to log on check their piece and THEN get back to you. Seriously patience is a virtue you know and I was only trying to save you from a definite closing of this thread and a probable warning for spam so you shh.
#11
Quote by NGD1313
Did you leave a link and ask for a crit? And more importantly did you wait a little while? STUNNING FACT AHEAD: People aren't on UG all the time. Wait for them to log on check their piece and THEN get back to you. Seriously patience is a virtue you know and I was only trying to save you from a definite closing of this thread and a probable warning for spam so you shh.


i left a link and asked,
Im not stupid
calm down.