#1
“winter for the ages”
that’s what the television sets keep saying.
i’ve got twin lip marks on either cheek
but they both reek of venal ardor.
and these past three months
i’ve watched habit turn habitual
and suffering into method.

moonlight’s fitful kiss
splitting hopeful lids,
for another glance into reality
of temperate yearn.

“soul singers got me singin’”
but, like everything else
the songs are getting stale.

and with this coldness drifting,
i just want someone to tell me they’re alright.
#3
Wow, that was rather good. I like the 'kiss+lids' almost assonance rhyme, and also the line 'I've watched habit turn habitual' was really good IMO. There was only 'for another glance into reality of temperate yearn.' that I didn't really like, but that was only because I thought it should be 'a reality' or 'the reality', but that's me being really pedantic. So yeah...not much of a crit I suppose, but there's not much else to say, it's good.

If you have the time could you have a look at mine 'Bella Donna'. Cheers
#5
Quote by pixiesfanyo
“winter for the ages”
that’s what the television sets keep saying.
i’ve got twin lip marks on either cheek
but they both reek of venal ardor.
and these past three months
i’ve watched habit turn habitual
and suffering into method.

excellent start. my favorite line is definitely the 3rd. nothing to complain about here

moonlight’s fitful kiss
splitting hopeful lids,
for another glance into reality
of temperate yearn.

i like the paradox in the last line, very clever. also the 1st two lines are beautiful. sorry this is a sh.itty crit but i like everything so far.

“soul singers got me singin’”
but, like everything else
the songs are getting stale.

i like this but the last 2 lines are pretty straight forward, im sure they are intended that way but it just didn't grab me like everything else so far in this piece.

and with this coldness drifting,
i just want someone to tell me they’re alright.

beautiful/simple ending


sorry not much to say here or complain about
very well written piece
9/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531524
there is mine, you dont have to say much just if you like it or not or whatever if you have time. its a pretty short read