#1
I just wrote this a few minutes ago, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Crit for crit.

It’s Snowing

It’s snowing this morning
Covering the earth’s imperfections with a white mask
So that everyone forgets the rocks and roots and thorns

It’s snowing this morning
I wish it could cover me like the peaceful white fields
But when the snow falls on me, it just melts away

It’s snowing this morning
But while it covers all and makes the world new
I stand out like a sore thumb, like a beggar man

It’s snowing this morning
But I’m still the same old sinner, naked in the cold
And it seems that I have no hope in the falling snow

It’s snowing this morning
And I know if I was cold as a corpse I could hide my faults
And everyone would forget the lies and thoughts and sins

It’s snowing this morning
And I silently curse this living body of mine
As I wait for the snow to make all things new
Last edited by doctor_rocker at Feb 25, 2007,
#2
It’s Snowing

It’s snowing this morning
Covering the earth’s imperfections with a white mask
So that everyone forgets the rocks and roots and thorns
i think u use 'and to many times in the last lines. but i like the verse

It’s snowing this morning
I wish it could cover me like the peaceful white fields
But when the snow falls on me, it just melts away
idk, last line bothered me a little, guess i was jsut guessing somthing differnt

It’s snowing this morning
But while it covers all and makes the world new
I stand out like a sore thumb, like a beggar man

It’s snowing this morning
But I’m still the same old sinner, naked in the cold
And it seems that I have no hope in the falling snow
i like the 'cold,snow'

It’s snowing this morning
And I know the snow wouldn’t melt if my body was cold
I could lay in the fields and become part of the new world
i would take out this whole verse, cuz the verse after it is basicly the same, only better

It’s snowing this morning
And I know if I was cold as a corpse I could hide my faults
And everyone would forget the lies and thoughts and sins
i think to many 'and's are in the last line

It’s snowing this morning
And I silently curse this living body of mine
As I wait for the snow to make all things new


not bad, pretty good, repeating its snowing this morning so many times got a bit annoying,but i dont see how u could have it any other way.i just wish the verse were a bit longer, so u would have more room to explain some more of your points.7/10

crit 'heart frequency' in my sig if ya could
#3
Good point on the two similar verses... I think I'll take the first one of the two out. Even though I repeat things a lot, I wouldn't sing it the same, so musically there is variation.
#4
It’s Snowing

It’s snowing this morning
Covering the earth’s imperfections with a white mask
So that everyone forgets the rocks and roots and thorns

Not a bad start. one little thing that srang straight to my mind was could it be 'the rocks, the roots, and the thorns'? Other than that it's a good opening

It’s snowing this morning
I wish it could cover me like the peaceful white fields
But when the snow falls on me, it just melts away

just one thing, should 'could' be 'would'?

It’s snowing this morning
But while it covers all and makes the world new
I stand out like a sore thumb, like a beggar man

I felt the flow got lost a bit here, but other than that it's nice imagery and a good continuation

It’s snowing this morning
But I’m still the same old sinner, naked in the cold
And it seems that I have no hope in the falling snow

No issues with this, good imagery and use of language

It’s snowing this morning
And I know if I was cold as a corpse I could hide my faults
And everyone would forget the lies and thoughts and sins

Not sure about the line order in the last line, 'sins and lies and thoughts' came straight to my head, but that's just me

It’s snowing this morning
And I silently curse this living body of mine
As I wait for the snow to make all things new

Good ending

Overall it's a solid enough piece, with room for some improvements but nothing drastic. One thing that does slightly get to me is the repetition of 'It's snowing outside' but then I suppose that would make it stick in my head. so I would give it a high 7/10. If you get the chance could you have a look at mine 'Bella Donna'? Cheers