#1
Uhh....This Song Was Writen Shortly After my best Friend Passed away
I Don't Expect this Song to be the best....but It Would Help If you people
Can Help Make it better


Its Been So Wrong
The Story Of you
Pages That could never be filled
When no one else would hear
The Schizophenic Conversations
Between you and me
I blame my self
Cause you are my brother

[Chorus::]
You make me color grey
Since you've been gone
You still make me smile
Something that is rare
Thanks for being here beside me
and I know you are A part of me

Try to hide my tears
Through All The Drugs and beer
At least the storms
Could never blow you away
I sing to myself
In your memory
Still Can’t Believe Your Gone
But you really never left

[Chorus]

Missing you
Can’t Believe your gone.
just to see you
right there beside me
Guiding me
And We remember
Just beacuse I could be weak
My life is what you could be in

[Chorus]

You make me color…
Last edited by *Thundernation* at Feb 27, 2007,
#2
sorry I have no tips for you to make it better but I can tell you that I really like it...
Quote by Nelsean

Every genre of music has it's good and bad. People are just too ignorant to understand that.
#3
i can't really find anyway to make it better i thought it was written pretty well i liked it over all but


Try to hide my tears
Through All The Drugs and beer
At least the storms
Could never blow you away
I sing of me
In your memory
Still Can’t Believe Your Gone
But you really never left

i really really liked that verse
#4
Try to hide my tears
Through All The Drugs and beer
At least the storms
Could never blow you away
I sing of me
In your memory
Still Can’t Believe Your Gone
But you really never left


instead i sing to myself

i will try to full crit it later just checking hope you dont mind
Hi
#5
Quote by *Thundernation*
Uhh....This Song Was Writen Shortly After my best Friend Passed away
I Don't Expect this Song to be the best....but It Would Help If you people
Can Help Make it better


Its Been So Wrong
The Story Of you this line seems out of place. doesnt fit well.
Pages That could never be filled
When no one else would hear
The Schizophenic Conversations
Between you and me
I blame my self
Cause you are my brother
rest of the stanza is pretty good. i like that.

[Chorus::]
You make me color grey
Since you've been gone
You still make me smile
Something that is rare
Thanks for being here beside me
and I know you are A part of me
i like this. the first line feels forced. other than that its cool.

Try to hide my tears
Through All The Drugs and beer
At least the storms
Could never blow you away
I sing of me i agree with the person who said "i sing to myself," i think that would fit better.
In your memory
Still Can’t Believe Your Gone
But you really never left


[Chorus]

Missing you
Can’t Believe your gone.
just to see you
right there beside me
Guiding me
And We remember
Just beacuse I could be weak
My life is what you could be in
this was good but i dont really understand the last line. it seems jumbled.
[Chorus]

You make me color…


its pretty good. just do a bit more work on it. id like to hear the guitars if youve got them done or anything. crit any of mine if you get the chance
Quote by TonyRandall

you are definately a skilled writer.



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#6
hey i think its good - cant think of much else you could improve on what dark an twisted said.. i just wanted to say that i was really moved by the writing. i recently lost a friend so i can relate. an u captured the feelings well. peace out