#1
its untitled still buts its an outlaw country style song written cuz im from jersey and i still managed to have a southern accent when i talk idk but heres the lyrics P4P criticiscm would be much apreciated


Well ima Jersey born and Jersey Raised
up here in ol' Garfield
Southern ways are in my heart
Outlaw ways are a part
of my family history


My Families filled with bikers
with a trucker or two thrown in
fast trucks and faster bikes
with a bottle full of gin
in my veins the outlaw life
will live as long as me


Just because im from the north
with a city life i've led
doesn't mean my neck ain't always been red
any chance i get i'll travel west or south
stoppin at them ol' biker bars or even waffle house


My Families filled with bikers
with a trucker or two thrown in
fast trucks and faster bikes
with a bottle full of gin
in my veins the outlaw life
will live as long as me


thats all i have for now help me out plz should i keep it short and sweet or write a couple of more verses
#4
Well It Needs More Verses
But overall could make a Good Peice of writeing.
(Oh and Check My Songs Please)
#5
It's basically the classic type of outlaw/country song. I don't necassarily think it needs anymore verses unless you just want to throw it in there. I guess it really depends on the tempo of the music. A basic 3-4 chord progression not played with very fast tempo could make the song last long enough. Then again a lot of the guys like Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Willie Nelson all had a few songs where they're pretty damn short. So if this fits your song as is, I wouldn't see any need to change it.

Thanks for your crit earlier.
#6
Quote by RontheRed
its untitled still buts its an outlaw country style song written cuz im from jersey and i still managed to have a southern accent when i talk idk but heres the lyrics P4P criticiscm would be much apreciated


Well ima Jersey born and Jersey Raised
up here in ol' Garfield
Southern ways are in my heart
Outlaw ways are a part
of my family history


i liked it till here


My Families filled with bikers
with a trucker or two thrown in
fast trucks and faster bikes
with a bottle full of gin
in my veins the outlaw life
will live as long as me

last line change it to

will live as long as i live it will help to flow


Just because im from the north
with a city life i've led
doesn't mean my neck ain't always been red
any chance i get i'll travel west or south
stoppin at them ol' biker bars or even waffle house

bolded lines seems a bit forced


My Families filled with bikers
with a trucker or two thrown in
fast trucks and faster bikes
with a bottle full of gin
in my veins the outlaw life
will live as long as me


thats all i have for now help me out plz should i keep it short and sweet or write a couple of more verses


no need to write verse instead i think you should write a hook for it . the piece is really good
Hi