#1
Most girls are farmers daughters.
Can't be left alone with slippery Pete's like me.
Took guts to fuck them.
To give them the Conor Oberst Syndrome.

Made friends in high places.
Went out of my way to buy a capo.
Rhymes.
Riddles.
Rub-a-dub.
Tried to make my living off of Winter.

Sister Carol made a real dish before she made
communion.
Took awhile to cover up those goods.
She was lumpy in all the right places.
Jerking off in Holy Water to make cunundrums
for sweet Holy sister pussy?

Whoa.
Poor advice.
#4
Alright, here's my woeful attempt at criticism:

Most girls are farmers daughters.
Can't be left alone with slippery Pete's like me.
Took guts to **** them.
To give them the Conor Oberst Syndrome. <--- "conor oberst syndrome"? he's that guy from bright eyes, right? what are you trying to say here?

Made friends in high places.
Went out of my way to buy a capo.
Rhymes.
Riddles.
Rub-a-dub.
Tried to make my living off of Winter.<--- this stanza is pretty unclear. i like the list of "r" words, but the last line doesn't speak to me.


Sister Carol made a real dish before she made
communion.
Took awhile to cover up those goods.
She was lumpy in all the right places.
Jerking off in Holy Water to make cunundrums
for sweet Holy sister pussy?

((the beginning is excellent. "Sister Carol made a real dish before she made communion" is the best line in this entire piece, hands down. You get your point across without beating the reader over the head with it. buuttt the last line makes zero sense to me. i wish you had continued with the imagery you had going in the beginning of the last stanza. the ending is weird and out of place))

Whoa.

A
|
haha, that's what I said! The first few lines of the last stanza=perfection. the rest was pretty out of control and a bit hard to piece together.

that's all I've got. : ) -edgar
#6
Most girls are farmers daughters.
Can't be left alone with slippery Pete's like me.
Took guts to fuck them.
To give them the Conor Oberst Syndrome.

hmm. this is definitely an interesting start and im trying to interpret the conor oberst syndrome and what you mean by that. i almost start to think i know how he applies to this but then i just dont get it.

Made friends in high places.
Went out of my way to buy a capo.
Rhymes.
Riddles.
Rub-a-dub.
Tried to make my living off of Winter.

i love the last line, this whole thing is nice, the capo part is a little straight forward and eh but still nice

Sister Carol made a real dish before she made
communion.
Took awhile to cover up those goods.
She was lumpy in all the right places.
Jerking off in Holy Water to make cunundrums
for sweet Holy sister pussy?

Whoa.

haha beautiful



you're the only writer on this site that i really envy and everytime i read on of your pieces im just like fu.ck why didn't i write that.
anyways as always nice 9/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531524
there is my new one, you dont have to say much since i didnt really say much but its short if you have time
#7
sure, they're in my sig. it doesn't matter which one really. District is going in the n00b comp and the other one is a song, so your choice really. : )

sooo what is Conor Oberst Syndrome? I demand to know!
#8
Quote by ndakasimba
sure, they're in my sig. it doesn't matter which one really. District is going in the n00b comp and the other one is a song, so your choice really. : )

sooo what is Conor Oberst Syndrome? I demand to know!


The Conor Oberst Syndrome is something that many girls have, in which the only guys they fall for our these fake "old-soul" introverts who listen to oodles of old Folk music and always carry an acoustic guitar to parties. They write really simple Folk songs because they're under the assumption that simple songs are brilliant songs, which can be true, but not the stuff they write. They drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney.

Most girls I know suffer from the Conor Oberst Syndrome.
Poor advice.
#9
haha, that's hillarious!! i'm literally loling as i write this. makes so much sense now! : D
#10
sry for dbl posting, but have you seen Clerks II? I suspect that's where you got the "sheeny curse" from... but I could be tragically mistaken.
#11
Quote by ndakasimba
sry for dbl posting, but have you seen Clerks II? I suspect that's where you got the "sheeny curse" from... but I could be tragically mistaken.


The phrase has alwasy existed, but yeah, it was in Clerks II.
Poor advice.
#12
If you were to read many of Stellar's other pieces, you would know more of the Winter line. Although I think it should be sort of apparent anyway.

Anyway, first two were easy for your writing, but, tickle me lost about the third stanza. I'll try again later, and see if I can get something.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching