#1
well crit 4 crit as usual tell me what do you think all crits are welcomed

Smell this rose,rest under the sun


You’ve known me all your life
Corrected me on all my mistakes
Watching me, you use to figure it out
What I meant and wanted to say

With your reasons without my doubts
I am doing things that will make you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
At night in stars I am searching you

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me until I’m done
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

I’ve been to all those places
You wanted to go but you never did
Almost everything is just the same
Like you’ve imagined for me

With your reasons without my doubts
I hope my deeds are making you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
Everywhere I go I am feeling you


In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me let my time come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

I pray to god, when it’s my turn?
You don’t blame me, for all said and done
I am ready to shoot but
I don’t have a gun

In my ear your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me let my time come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Let my time come and I swear
I will treat you better then i did over here
We’ll meet in heaven wait till then
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun
Hi
#2
I think it's written very well, a great piece. I do think that "I pray to god, when it’s my turn?"
should be "I pray to god, when is it my turn?", because your line isn't really asking a question, that or maybe the question mark was a typo.
#3
thnx for the crit . i will crit urs now.

Anymore crits????
Hi
Last edited by abhishek21 at Feb 26, 2007,
#4
wow impressive i like it.
how about:

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me, but until i come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun
#5
Thnx dude i was not much confident on that line you really helped the piece . thnx alot
Hi
#6
Smell this rose,rest under the sun


You’ve known me all your life
Corrected me on all my mistakes
Watching me, you use to figure it out
What I meant and wanted to say

With your reasons without my doubts
I am doing things that will make you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
At night in stars I am searching you

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me , but until I come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

I’ve been to all those places
You wanted to go but you never did
Almost everything is just the same
Like you’ve imagined for me

With your reasons without my doubts
I hope my deeds are making you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
Everywhere I go I am feeling you


In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me let my time come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

I pray to god, when it’s my turn?
You don’t blame me, for all said and done
I am ready to shoot but
I don’t have a gun

In my ear your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for meSmell this rose,rest under the sun


You’ve known me all your life
Corrected me on all my mistakes
Watching me, you use to figure it out
What I meant and wanted to say

With your reasons without my doubts
I am doing things that will make you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
At night in stars I am searching you

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me until I’m done
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

I’ve been to all those places
You wanted to go but you never did
Almost everything is just the same
Like you’ve imagined for me

With your reasons without my doubts
I hope my deeds are making you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
Everywhere I go I am feeling you


In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me, but until i come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun


I pray to god, when it’s my turn?
You don’t blame me, for all said and done
I am ready to shoot but
I don’t have a gun

In my ear your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me, but until i come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Let my time come and I swear
I will treat you better then i did over here
We’ll meet in heaven wait till then
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Let my time come and I swear
I will treat you better then i did over here
We’ll meet in heaven wait till then
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun


TEll me which one is more better above 1 or this one
Hi
#11
Quote by abhishek21
well crit 4 crit as usual tell me what do you think all crits are welcomed

Smell this rose,rest under the sun


You’ve known me all your life
Corrected me on all my mistakes
Watching me, you use to figure it out
What I meant and wanted to say

i like this start, its pretty simple and you set the stage for the rest of the piece

With your reasons without my doubts
I am doing things that will make you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
At night in stars I am searching you

the second line is pretty straight forward and cliche, atleast the 'make you proud' part. the 3rd line also is kinda ehhh cliche but you make it work with the last line

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me until I’m done
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

i love the last 4 lines but the 'im about to break' is again pretty cliche. i would try to find maybe a metaphor for your definition of breaking so you don't have to say it so straight forward.

I’ve been to all those places
You wanted to go but you never did
Almost everything is just the same
Like you’ve imagined for me

again this is nice, nothing spectacular but not bad at all

With your reasons without my doubts
I hope my deeds are making you proud
You might be gone but I’m holding you
Everywhere I go I am feeling you

im still not sold on the 'making you proud'. i know that that is the basis of this piece but the way its put doesnt leave anything to the reader. i do really enjoy the first line and the last 2 are not bad but could still be improved upon if you really wish with something a bit more creative.

In my ears your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me let my time come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

read above^^^

I pray to god, when it’s my turn?
You don’t blame me, for all said and done
I am ready to shoot but
I don’t have a gun

the first line doesnt seem like it needs a question mark unless you mean, when is it my turn? im guessing thats it. i like the set up in the last 2 lines but again the way its presented and put out there is a little straight forward

In my ear your voice still prevails
Holding me up when I’m about to break
Wait for me let my time come
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Let my time come and I swear
I will treat you better then i did over here
We’ll meet in heaven wait till then
Smell this rose and rest under the sun
Smell this rose
Rest under the sun

i like the last 3 lines a lot, a great way to end the piece


there are things i would change in this piece, the straight fowardness and ect but you have the basic ideas down and ect.
nice start 7/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531524
if you have time ^ theres my new piece
#12
Ya That Question Mark Thing Is Typing Error I Will Correct It Now. I Will Get To Ur Piece After Half An Hour

Ya I Know The Problem With My Pieces Are Their Straightness . Thnx Any Way

My Capslock Was On Srry I Am Not Screaming At You Ok
Hi