#1
The sun came over the mountain top
Your sweet face always in my thoughts
The creek dried up
And all that’s left
Is me, and you

Jumping on the trampoline
Hold you close while were cooking
Never wanted to let you go
I love you much more then you know

This summer
I wish it would never end

Somewhere close
There flies a dove
You give me
The best part of love

This summer
I wish it would never end

The sun came over the mountain top
Your sweet face always in my thoughts
The creek dried up
And all that’s left
Is me, and you
#2
it was a bit cliché.. i thought you started off nicely... but i think you need more imagery..
and you dont need to end the way you started.. you need to end with a bang!! :P i dont know this is just my opinion though...
Boo!
#3
thanks i just wrote it in like 30 min so im gonna rewrite it
Last edited by PissedOffGerman at Feb 26, 2007,
#4
It was pretty good, but I think the chorus might need something else to it. And I like the repeat of the first verse at the end, but you may want to tweak it so that it does end with a bang. But yeah, I think you need a bit more in the verses.

But good job besides that.
#6
what do you mean by cooking? cuz if it's literal, then erm...its boring. but if its a metaphor for like making out or, kisssing or wahtever then its supa cool.
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...
#7
Quote by plus182
what do you mean by cooking? cuz if it's literal, then erm...its boring. but if its a metaphor for like making out or, kisssing or wahtever then its supa cool.


literal... but with meaning
#8
Sometimes the rhythm of the words seems to break the flow down for example:
"Hold you close while were cooking"
doesn't seem to fit in with the other lines.
Founder of Jaco society

[22:08:23] <Confusius> I wish I was a bassist
[22:08:26] <Confusius> you fuckers look cool


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