#1
(yelling/singing)

You kick my feet out, I wanna scream!
I try to let it out, you muffle me
your suffocating me, I cant stand it
I wanna get out, you wont have it
you watch me suffer, what for?
what the **** are you waiting for?
I’ve been your friend, I’ve loved you
I’ve done all that you’ve asked me to

I try to care, you spit at me
whatever I say is shit to you
when were you there, why do you hate me
I cant take it, will i make it

(singing)

At the end of my life
will I remember you
if I live through all this heartache
I will be rid of you

I wish, I could
forget all of this pain
but un-til then
ill struggle and ill strain
I wish, I could
forget all of this pain
but un-til then
(SCREAMED)
ILL LIVE MY LIFE IN VAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you like hurting me?
do you enjoy my misery?
I wish that I, could just escape all this
at least for now, I just have to bear all this


"this is my first song that ive written, what do you think?"
My Gear:

Ibanez RGT42FX
Fender Strat Copy
Ashton Quarter Size Classical
Roland Cube 15
Behringer Multi-FX Pedal
FAB Metal Pedal
Two Hands
#3
hmmm there's not much a person can really say about this work, it's a pretty straightforward solid work, but yes where is the chorus. Or does this even have a chorus, that'd be fine too. But really, this idea that you seem to have is extremely overdone.

But I do like the way you executed it. I just feel it's way too cliche an idea.

Pretty good work though.
Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla
#4
Quote by NoSoupForDeath
hmmm there's not much a person can really say about this work, it's a pretty straightforward solid work, but yes where is the chorus. Or does this even have a chorus, that'd be fine too. But really, this idea that you seem to have is extremely overdone.

But I do like the way you executed it. I just feel it's way too cliche an idea.

Pretty good work though.


thanks, its my first song so you can imagine that it would be nowhere near perfect :P
i can see what you mean about it being cliche, i wrote it last year while i was going trough some stuff :P

oh and the chorus is the bit where it goes
"At the end of my life
will I remember you
if I live through all this heartache
I will be rid of you"

lol sorry bout the confusion. thanks man
My Gear:

Ibanez RGT42FX
Fender Strat Copy
Ashton Quarter Size Classical
Roland Cube 15
Behringer Multi-FX Pedal
FAB Metal Pedal
Two Hands
#5
yeah i thought that would be the chorus, just wanted to be sure.

And don't get me wrong, I like the song it just seemed a bit overdone to me, but as long as it was your emotions that inspired the song, even if it's cliche, it's true. Which is a good quality.
Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla
#6
thanks man i appreciate that
My Gear:

Ibanez RGT42FX
Fender Strat Copy
Ashton Quarter Size Classical
Roland Cube 15
Behringer Multi-FX Pedal
FAB Metal Pedal
Two Hands
#7
I like it. There's some real emotion there which gives it some credibility. It's kinda cliche, though. Everything's already been done, but I think if you sing it right it should be fine. Not of the top quality, but decent nonetheless.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep