#1
Of Coffee Grains and Sand on a Chalkboard

your words stood alone on the chalkboard--
a sharp, biting taste in my mouth
a reminder of all that had gone wrong.


all that had slipped away from us
mocked me in loose, looping letters of white.
knees buckled, senses dulled, punch drunk.
the sickness rose in me.

it burned worse than i had ever imagined,
this acrid bile in my throat,
the ions rushed through membranes, and the only thought i had was of the irony of all this:
i would not scar.

the smell was of colombian toil
of juan valdez and a hint of his mule
flesh seared in the sun and man trampled underfoot
all blended in this oddly rich, warm, gently bitter darkness
i pondered this, the dichotomy of battery acid.

i was bolted upright.
a sound like a thousand out of tune violins playing their highest note penetrated my skull,
grating in pitchy vibrato, firing supersonic bullets through m brain
incapable to think, i collapsed in surrender.

i thought of you.
by holding too tightly you slipped between my fingers,
grainy and fine, at once warm and freezing,
at once smooth and rough.
duplicitous in nature, not earth yet not sea, the barrier that keeps one from the other.
deception is its functionality.

yet even as all this passes, a glow of infrared sensuality ignites around my body, accelerating interactions between blood and nerve, like a ball of fire passing over me. it is the breath of a thousand little angels on every inch of me, every time you say my name.
#2
i thought this was cool... the one line that stood out to me as maybe needing a change is:

"a sound like a thousand out of tune violins playing their highest note penetrated my skull,"

i think the idea could be conveyed better with a few different words.... i think "detuned" sounds better than "out of tune" and flows better.... and i think a better word could be used than "higher".... and using "penetrated" here seems kind of obvious... maybe use "infiltrated" instead?

anyways just some ideas.... nice piece.
#3
yeahh but infiltrated is stealthy. this tore my acoustic meatus a new asshole, figuratively speaking. also...this was my 5 senses piece, i had to describe nails on a chalkboard.