#1
Parts in parentheses are spoken by background singer, sorta overlapping next line in chorus. Another punky-ska.

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

I see you walk
When you could just as soon fly.
And then you laugh
When you would much rather cry.
And you live on
When others would lay down and die.

But then you go
And you keep me up at night.
And you blind me
With the beauty of your sight.
But in the dark
You become my own shining light.

You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, now.
You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.

(Because.... [yelling])

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

I see you talk
When you have nothing to say.
And then you smile
When you are having a bad day.
And you defy
When the beaten path says one way.

But then you go
And you keep me up at night.
And you blind me
With the beauty of your sight.
But in the dark
You become my own shining light.

You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, now.
You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.

(Because.... [yelling])

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

You do these quirky things
That make you look crazy, now.
You do those quirky things
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.


Heh, its a work in progress.... comments?
Last edited by ryananger at Feb 28, 2007,
#2
kind of a cliche love song in my opinion. But I LOVE it. It flows good to me, just nothing seemed akward. I'd suggest you just keep going on with what you have here, maybe one more verse and maybe a bridge/interlude thing then back to the chorus. Considering the style of music i feel this is definetely an appropriate song. Nice stuff

Good Job (woohoo first crit lol)
Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla
#3
i like the idea of an interlude. definitely go with one of those... it would add a ton to an already awesome song.
#5
Dude, I like it. It is going to be hard to actually do though. We need to find a singer, none the less a back singer too. Dont get ahead of us.
#6
Quote by ryananger
Parts in parentheses are spoken by background singer, sorta overlapping next line in chorus. Another punky-ska.

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

I see you walk
When you could just as soon fly. this line's a bit odd to me
And then you laugh
When you would much rather cry.
And you live on
When others would lay down and die.

for that line try when you could just fly
because as soon hampers to flow a bit and it doesnt make sense to meand sounds a bit odd

But then you go
And you keep me up at night.
And you blind me
With the beauty of your sight.
But in the dark
You become my own shining light.


You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, now.
You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.

(Because.... [yelling])

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

I see you talk
When you have nothing to say.
And then you smile
When you are having a bad day.
And you defy
When the beaten path says one way.


bolded one a little bit forced

But then you go
And you keep me up at night.
And you blind me
With the beauty of your sight.
But in the dark
You become my own shining light.

You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, now.
You do these things to me
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.

(Because.... [yelling])

(You've got these)
Quirky ways about you.
(That make me)
Put my arms around you.
(And you'll see)
That i'm lost without you.
(So will you please)
Say i can stay with you.
(And I will)
Well, i will never leave here without you.

You do these quirky things
That make you look crazy, now.
You do those quirky things
That make me go crazy, noooowwwww.


Heh, its a work in progress.... comments?

one thing i noticed your rhyme scheme is ABAB in chorus dont do that i will tell you a secret some of the people over here hate that

sort of a clichewith some very cliche lines but hey whatever works . as you said it's in progress best of luck. i will wait for finished one.the music in my mind for your song is like the music that was on "kinks song -you really got me"

well crit mine if you're free??
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=535339