#1
This is a song I wrote a few days ago , this is quite a rough version I still wan't to change a few things as write the guitar music for it.

Don't Wake Me

Lying in my cold bed thoughts drifting silently through my head,
you seem so far away from me out of reach beyond my touch.
In my empty room lonesome shadows silhouetted against the wall,
as I listen to the rhythm of the cold and lonely raindrops fall.
And they take me back to my worried dreams of you.

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

The rain washes everything away but in my dreams you still remain,
I sink beneath the surface of memories were you sit waiting for me.
You've put a rope around my neck you're slowly tightening the noose,
No matter what I do I can't runaway free myself and break loose.
I Want nothing more than to feel your touch and hold you in my arms.

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

With the silver awaking of the day no traces left of my stormy yesterday,
the sunshine puts a smile on my face as I look up at the clear blue sky.
The feeling of the fresh morning dew takes me back to my dreamland,
Where she walks under the silver moonlight in my head at night
Because finally I now know what I must do to to be with you

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Last edited by GNR's Fan at Feb 28, 2007,
#2
Quote by GNR's Fan
This is a song I wrote a few days ago , this is quite a rough version I still wan't to change a few things as write the guitar music for it.

Don't Wake Me

Lying in my cold bed thoughts drifting silently through my head,
you seem so far away from me out of reach beyond my touch.
In my empty room lonesome shadows silhouetted against the wall,
as I listen to the rhythm of the cold and lonely raindrops fall.
And they take me back to my worried dreams of you.

theres some nice imagery and ect here but some of the rhymes like 'head bed' 'wall fall' are a little bland. thats the only thing i really think is holding this down because you have some nice descriptions and emotions here.

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

this is kind of cliche but at the same time its still nice. im not huge on 'dreamland and i wont be alone no more'. the alone no more is kind of awkward in the way its worded. this would serve well as a chorus though, so nice work

The rain washes everything away but in my dreams you still remain,
I sink beneath the surface of memories were you sit waiting for me.
You've put a rope around my neck you're slowly tightening the noose,
No matter what I do I can't runaway free myself and break loose.
I Want nothing more than to feel your touch and hold you in my arms.

this is pretty cliche but the emotion helps it from being just a poor stanza. i would suggest though trying to break free of the general descriptions that are involved in love songs and songs describing the negative side of love.

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

With the silver awaking of the day no traces left of my stormy yesterday,
the sunshine puts a smile on my face as I look up at the clear blue sky.
The feeling of the fresh morning dew takes me back to my dreamland,
Where she walks under the silver moonlight in my head at night
Because finally I now know what I must do to to be with you

i like everything here except the use of dreamland again. otherwise nice

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here


this is a pretty good start. though its filled with a lot of cliches thats to be expected in piece like this. 7/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531524
theres mine if you can crit it
#3
Quote by GNR's Fan
This is a song I wrote a few days ago , this is quite a rough version I still wan't to change a few things as write the guitar music for it.

Don't Wake Me

Lying in my cold bed thoughts drifting silently through my head,
you seem so far away from me out of reach beyond my touch.
In my empty room lonesome shadows silhouetted against the wall,
as I listen to the rhythm of the cold and lonely raindrops fall.
And they take me back to my worried dreams of you.

i liked it some of the rhyming needs work like rushmore said but i liked it
and i agree a decent start

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

didn't like the last line


The rain washes everything away but in my dreams you still remain,
I sink beneath the surface of memories were you sit waiting for me. i think you mistyped something here.if u didnt it sounds a bit weird
You've put a rope around my neck you're slowly tightening the noose,
No matter what I do I can't runaway free myself and break loose.
I Want nothing more than to feel your touch and hold you in my arms.

its ok but not as good as 1st one

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here

With the silver awaking of the day no traces left of my stormy yesterday,
the sunshine puts a smile on my face as I look up at the clear blue sky.
The feeling of the fresh morning dew takes me back to my dreamland,
Where she walks under the silver moonlight in my head at night
Because finally I now know what I must do to to be with you

i liked it nice imagery here

Don't wake from my dreams where I can be with you
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here
Take me to my dreamland where I won't be alone no more
I don't want to wake and find that you are not here



overall i liked it . you write big lines but i guess it all depends on how you put your lyrics to the music. any way take cares.

thnx for the crit even though you crited the wrong piece. i just pasted the whole damn thing from a wrong file. if you are free crit it, but don't feel obliged

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=535339