#1
Im sick as a dog right now, I feel terrible. I just wrote this cuz I needed something to occupy me... Its probably not that good, I dont think im thinking clearly...

I cannot heal.

I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.

I feel so torn up,
My body feels inert...
A virus i cannot subdue...
I cannot heal.

I cannot help you,
Can you help me?
I send you this plea,
Theres nothing I can do...

I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.

My body is an onion,
And away it peels,
There is nothing left,
I cannot heal.

I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.

Inside me I can
Feel this growing,
I cannot go further,
With you knowing..

I am defenseless,
I have a sickness,
I cannot tell you how it feels,
I cant let you know...
I cannot heal.
#2
I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.
its simply, so simplei cant find anything wrong

I feel so torn up,
My body feels inert...
A virus i cannot subdue...
I cannot heal.
i like line 2 cuz of using a uncommon word

I cannot help you,
Can you help me?
I send you this plea,
Theres nothing I can do...

I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.

My body is an onion,
And away it peels,
There is nothing left,
I cannot heal.
this is my least favorite, cuz of the onion part

I cannot stand up,
For my head hurts,
I cannot tell you
How it feels.

Inside me I can
Feel this growing,
I cannot go further,
With you knowing..

I am defenseless,
I have a sickness,
I cannot tell you how it feels,
I cant let you know...
I cannot heal.


i like how u tied in the i cannot heal thing,but i think its to simple, u repeated urself quite alot, and all in all,(sorry) it was kinda bland.but i must say its decent for somebody who is sick.

instead of returning a crit, would u mind voting in this poll l? i dont care which side u vote for, jsut make sure u skim over the pieces and choose ur favorite, thankyou.
#3
hey man delete one of the songs you posted today and then read the FAQ's to find out why.... i'd recommend deleting the other one since raggle gave you a full crit on this one already.
#4
Simple song.. seemed to bland and boring.. lacked emotion. Atleast to me. You can sing about anything.. and make it a great song, but of course with certain topics you're going to have to be really good and creative.. everything here was to be expected.. I didn't really see anything I fealt that made me think "Wow.. that was clever". Maybe I am too picky or something? Sorry about your flue though. Hope you get better!
#6
^haha okay cool... sorry for being a prick... it says today on mine thats all... carry on
#7
I like the song, but I dislike the lack of emotion. It might be a good quality for this song though. It is about being sick and when you are sick you tend to be bored and tired. Sometimes you'll even find yourself being bland. This song conquers the realistic feeling of being sick. But I do think you could fine-tune it here and there to enhance the read-ability of the song so to speak. It got kind of too boring at some point, I kept reading but i feel people with a lower attention span might just ignore this one.

I personally liked your Frag Out and Frag In song a lot better imho.
Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla