#1
Yea this my first atempt at a song, i wrote this song to be played on acoustic all crit either good or bad will be greatly appreciated. I made this just out of the top of my head if you can please give me tips to get better thanks


Was this just your plan
Or was it my fault to
Long stormy nights
Slowly creeping up on me

Colder and colder
As we go further in
Growing apart
Hate growing within

Is this what you’ve wished?
Are you pleased now?
You’ve left me alone
And all by myself

You wont last long
You’re crawl back soon
I keep telling myself
I hope to these thoughts are true

Knocks on my door late at night
Its you alone
The other man not in sight
You push your way in, tears in eyes

But these tears on my shoulders
Now are the best I have ever had
Washing away my cares for u that I ever held
Nothing left now, nothing left to hold
Last edited by addictedtogitar at Mar 1, 2007,
#3
Quote by addictedtogitar
Yea this my first atempt at a song, i wrote this song to be played on acoustic all crit either good or bad will be greatly appreciated. I made this just out of the top of my head if you can please give me tips to get better thanks


Was this just your plan
Or was it my fault to
Long stormy nights
Slowly creeping up on me

ok starting is ok

Colder and colder
As we go further in
Growing apart
Hate growing within

its good

Is this what you’ve wished?
Are you pleased now?
You’ve left me alone
And all by myself

You wont last long
You’re crawl back soon
I keep telling myself
I hope to these thoughts are true

i hope these thoughts are true


Knocks on my door late at night
Its you alone
The other man not in sight
You push your way in, tears in eyes

But these tears on my shoulders
Now are the best I have ever had
Washing away my cares for u that I ever held
Nothing left now, nothing left to hold


bolded one is bit forced


well the piece is writtern on very cliche topic first of all .you wanted to narrate a story but u lacked something in it . even though the flow was good but the content wasn't that gr8 .

dnt wrry with time you'll get better . for ur first attempt it was really nice

read the tips thread it will help you alot
i am srry if i came too harsh on u
Hi