#1
anyone know any good musician jokes? (yes I used the search button)

ill start it off

What'd the drummer get on his SAT?...
Drool.

whats the difference between a bass player and a large pepperoni pizza?...
The Pizza can feed a family of four.

how do you get a guitar player to turn down?...
Put sheet music in front of him.

how do you get a keyboard player to turn down?...
take the sheet music away.

whatd the trumpet player say when he walked into the studio?...
"Pizza Dilevery!"

anyone else got some?...
They say good things come in small packages. You know what else comes in small packages? Unrelenting pain and horror.
#5
How do you get a musician to complain? Get him a gig.

My guitar teacher says this one often.
Member #6 of the Agile LP over Epiphone LP Club. PM iamtehwalrus768 to join.
When it comes to flipping pancakes, it's better than burgers.
#6
how do you get a guitar player to turn down?...
Put sheet music in front of him.


This one was funny....all the rest were kind of

(I googled for these btw)

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light

How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.

Whats the best thing to play on a stand up bass?
Solitaire.

How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
Quote by mattvl
Listen to this guy, he's australian. If there are any people out there who know how to handle women it's australians.
#7
So 2 musicians and a drummer walk into a bar...
Quote by Shib


The internet: Men are men, women are men and little girls are FBI agents.
#8
why do sailors make good singers?
they can hit the high cs(seas)
haha ha
Quote by uncle_jimmy
not only do you like the beatles you're amazing. i love you.
Last edited by deepsleepr13hrs at Feb 28, 2007,
#9
this isnt really a joke but, something i have found out, every bass player i have ever met. if you gave them nunchucks they would be happy.....
disasterpiece
#10
how do you get a guitar player to turn down?...
Put sheet music in front of him.


That is very true. Im one of those kinds guitarists too.
Quote by Arthur Curry
It's just The Man trying to bring down us negroes.

Quote by Yakult
Just go out in a silk dressing gown and ask them if they've ever been penetrated
#12
Why did the guitarist put drumsticks on his dashboard?
So he could park in handicapped parking.

I told that to a drummer friend about a year ago, he still doesn't get it
When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Kabir
#13
Why do all singers knock so loud?


they can never find the key
UNLEASH THE FOCKING BURGERS
#14
k i got a good long one...

so this guy works at this big company and he has this big report due in a couple of days and hes freaking out, like really losing it, and his boss sees this.

His boss, bieng a nice guy says "hey I see you're stressing over this, so why don't you take a week off, you can go to the island I vacation on, then you can come back and worry about it,"

he thinks about it for a sec, and says "yeah that'd be great!"
so he flies to the island and right when he stepps off the plane he feels relaxed, the island is sort of your standard hawaii type setting, with beaches and trees and whatnot. he also notices the tribal drumming going on somewhere in the dstance, and that just helps his mood.

so he walks up to the front desk of the hotel he's staying at to get to the keys to his room,
"I really like the tribal drumming going on."

the giuy at the desk says (in a foriegn tone): "Oh yes tribal drumming very very god, must never stop, very bad thing happen if drumming stop."

"oh, ...ok." he responds

so he gets up to his room and a couple of hours later he starts to get hungry so he decides to hit one of the local restaraunts around town.

he picks a restaurant, and walks up to the host and asks for a table:

"could you get me a table where I could hear the drumming?"

the man reponds, "oh yes, drumming very very good, must never stop, very bad if drumming stops."

all of the sudden the drumming stops.

the host gets a very scared expression on his face and says...


"oh shit, here come bass solo..."


long but i though it was funny
They say good things come in small packages. You know what else comes in small packages? Unrelenting pain and horror.
#15
ive got a joke that has nothing to do with mucis but is very stupid

So there are 3 guys, 2 walk into a bar and the 3rd ducks.

(A recent study shows that 92% of all teenagers have moved on to rap music. Put this in your profile if you are one of the 8% who stayed with the real music)


BUY MY DW 7002 DOUBLE BASS PEDAL
#16
wtf?^

EDIT: sorry, i meant about the one above the one above me.
the long one.
A relaxed singer is a singer in control.


Quote by whocares09
"HOT DAMN LITTLE JIMMIES TOUCHIN HIS CACK N BALLS!! YEEHAH!"

OMFG!!! HAHAHAHA!


www.myspace.com/johnny_1990
#17
Quote by eltravo
k i got a good long one...

so this guy works at this big company and he has this big report due in a couple of days and hes freaking out, like really losing it, and his boss sees this.

His boss, bieng a nice guy says "hey I see you're stressing over this, so why don't you take a week off, you can go to the island I vacation on, then you can come back and worry about it,"

he thinks about it for a sec, and says "yeah that'd be great!"
so he flies to the island and right when he stepps off the plane he feels relaxed, the island is sort of your standard hawaii type setting, with beaches and trees and whatnot. he also notices the tribal drumming going on somewhere in the dstance, and that just helps his mood.

so he walks up to the front desk of the hotel he's staying at to get to the keys to his room,
"I really like the tribal drumming going on."

the giuy at the desk says (in a foriegn tone): "Oh yes tribal drumming very very god, must never stop, very bad thing happen if drumming stop."

"oh, ...ok." he responds

so he gets up to his room and a couple of hours later he starts to get hungry so he decides to hit one of the local restaraunts around town.

he picks a restaurant, and walks up to the host and asks for a table:

"could you get me a table where I could hear the drumming?"

the man reponds, "oh yes, drumming very very good, must never stop, very bad if drumming stops."

all of the sudden the drumming stops.

the host gets a very scared expression on his face and says...


"oh shit, here come bass solo..."


long but i though it was funny



The buildup could have been better. Maybe just say the guy went on vacation, just because that would be more realistic. But I thought it was funny.
Quote by Virgil_Hart05
Quote by Somarriba15
yeah, gamecube sucks, they only have baby games, like mario
You sir have no penis




Official Second Member of the "Using gay as an insult proclaims your idiocy" club. PM jesusgonewrong to join.
#18
sorry for the double post,


but,


what do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?


...


.......


...


a flat miner!!!!!!!

hahahaha,
anyway...
A relaxed singer is a singer in control.


Quote by whocares09
"HOT DAMN LITTLE JIMMIES TOUCHIN HIS CACK N BALLS!! YEEHAH!"

OMFG!!! HAHAHAHA!


www.myspace.com/johnny_1990
#19
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They keyboard player does it with his left hand.
#20
Quote by singer_johnny90
sorry for the double post,


but,


what do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?


...


.......


...


a flat miner!!!!!!!

hahahaha,
anyway...

we also would have accepted - Diminished minor
UNLEASH THE FOCKING BURGERS
#22
How do you get two clarinet players to play in tune?
Shoot one.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
People cry when you chop up an onion.

What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of manure?
The sack.
#23
well not really a joke but more of a funny story....

im in my dads truck listening to his XM radio and the station has a live billy joe shaver concert playing and billy is tuning his guitar and all of a sudden you just hear a mumble in the background "he cant play worth a shit anyways"
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#24
There's a new crime sweeping New York City.
Drive by bass solos.

Hardcore dancing: Imagine what it would look like if a karate master was dancing at a metal concert. Now imagine that karate master without any skill or basic hand-eye coordination.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
Throw a flash bang at him.
#25
Quote by Aceroth
The buildup could have been better. Maybe just say the guy went on vacation, just because that would be more realistic. But I thought it was funny.


Man, buzzkill much? You're like the guy who stands around critiqueing makeout techniques or yelling moves at porno actors.

When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Kabir
#26
What do you call people that hang around with musicians?
Drummers.

How do you know there's drummers at your door?
The doorbell rushes.

Did you hear the one about the lead guitarist who played in tune?
Me neither.
#27
Ahh, I was going to say the musician music sheet one.


Here are mine...

What does Eric Clapton and Coffee have in common?

A: They suck without cream.
Co-Founder of the Orange Revolution Club


-Esp/Ltd Ec-1000 w/ BKP Mules
-2-channel Titan
-Oversized Bogner 2x12 Cabinet
-Fulltone OCD
-RMC Picture Wah
-T.C. Electronic Nova Delay
-Larrivee D-03R
#29
Quote by Jinskee
Ahh, I was going to say the musician music sheet one.


Here are mine...

What does Eric Clapton and Coffee have in common?

A: They suck without cream.



HAHAHAHA! i forgot about that one!

how do you know when a drummers at the door?

the knocking speeds up and slows down, and no matter how many times you tell them, they still dont know when to come in.

man we're ripping on drummers
They say good things come in small packages. You know what else comes in small packages? Unrelenting pain and horror.
#30
What's the difference between a clarinet player and a baby?
The baby stops squealing if you give it candy.

What's the difference between a frog and a trumpet player?
The frog might be going to a gig.

Who in the brass section make the best best lovers?
Well, trumpets may use three fingers, and tuba players may use five, but trombones know all seven positions.

Not really a joke, but at a gig three weeks ago, this kid came up to my friend (a trombonist) and asked, "What instrument do you play?" in a really condescending manner. My friend answered, "The 'boner, and it's bigger than yours."
Quote by Kai-7
You are the greatest. Wow. CaptainWow

Bumblebee of the Mighty Autobots. PM Kankuro to join.
UG Irish Clan - Póg mo thóin
Metals Fetishist of the"Please Sir, I want GORE" Club - UG Horror Fans and Gorehounds Unite!
#33
Quote by Mr. B
what time is it when you have an elephant on your face???


Time to get the elephant off your face!!

with all due respect, I actually laughed at that.
"Guitarmen, wake up and pluck wire for sound, let 'em hear you play"
-Charlie Christian
"You have to give people something to dream on"
-Jimi Hendrix
"I try to make any guitar do what I want it to do"
-Slash
#34
Quote by Friggly
So 2 musicians and a drummer walk into a bar...
LOLLLLLLLLLLL NICE!!!
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#35
Quote by eltravo
k i got a good long one...

so this guy works at this big company and he has this big report due in a couple of days and hes freaking out, like really losing it, and his boss sees this.

His boss, bieng a nice guy says "hey I see you're stressing over this, so why don't you take a week off, you can go to the island I vacation on, then you can come back and worry about it,"

he thinks about it for a sec, and says "yeah that'd be great!"
so he flies to the island and right when he stepps off the plane he feels relaxed, the island is sort of your standard hawaii type setting, with beaches and trees and whatnot. he also notices the tribal drumming going on somewhere in the dstance, and that just helps his mood.

so he walks up to the front desk of the hotel he's staying at to get to the keys to his room,
"I really like the tribal drumming going on."

the giuy at the desk says (in a foriegn tone): "Oh yes tribal drumming very very god, must never stop, very bad thing happen if drumming stop."

"oh, ...ok." he responds

so he gets up to his room and a couple of hours later he starts to get hungry so he decides to hit one of the local restaraunts around town.

he picks a restaurant, and walks up to the host and asks for a table:

"could you get me a table where I could hear the drumming?"

the man reponds, "oh yes, drumming very very good, must never stop, very bad if drumming stops."

all of the sudden the drumming stops.

the host gets a very scared expression on his face and says...


"oh shit, here come bass solo..."


long but i though it was funny
a bit long but it's worth it! Bassist are just.. heh shameful! (imo!)
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#36
How many guitarists does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
5, 1 screws it in, the other four sit and bitch about how they could have done it better.
:
Quote by malachifivebass
you cant make a male musician choose music or sex, its like asking a fat man twinkie or brownie


Quote by iamnotrabid
Quote by metdethslaythrx
Naomi
it's "I moan" backwards
No, it's I maon.

Phail

I WILL one day rule the world, Pm me with the position you want and Ill see if it is open.
#37
Quote by ericgentz
with all due respect, I actually laughed at that.


+1
Quote by AzureNight
Don't worry guys, he's just bitter because he has a small dick.


Quote by Alexander_BR
You know that good feeling when you take a crap, gay sex is like that


Proud member of the Cardboard Mafia. Search "free boxes" for info.