#1
my bands drumer

wrote this poem that he wants to turning into somthing worth while

so i am posting a thread about it if any one has ideas or can wright it out

please do NO HATERS

and if you dont have the time

dont post a coment please


here it is it is not the whole thing its just the important parts


i tried to express my feelings
in every what i can
i tried to wright a song for you
but the words could never form
i tried to wright a simple poem
but i really sucked at that
i tried to make you like me back
but that did not work at all
i tried to tell you every thing my self
but that definitely did not work
so here i am all out of ideas
not knowing what to do
then all i did was think of you
and all those thought grew and grew
and i thought of what i do best
which is nagging and complaining
so here i am righting you a letter
because nothing has worked better
i feel the way i feel
and know one can tell me different
this letter is just to reel
and i feel like this is distant
now i have a letter
a letter of complaint
because nothing worked better
and i think i have gone insane
and now when i think of you
these words are running through my brain
how can i express my feelings
with out embarrassing my self by singing
so i will try this on for size
and all i am going to do is try
just to have something to do
i think this will work
or i will become a big fat jerk
so tell me this Naomi
what will you tell me
is this a wright way to express my self
or will i through this in the trash
and find one million ways to embarrass my self
and wright all of them down in this
i tried list
so what do you say?
You Say it i play it
#2
First off...
Format it so it's easier on the eyes?
Second off...
Didn't you just say like ten minutes ago that your BROTHER wrote this?
Yeah, you did, didn't you?
Anyway, format it properly and I suppose I'll be back with a proper crit.

-Wahrheit Lied
I need a sig. :O!
#3
1) The only thing that should be in the thread title is the piece's title.

2) What Wahrheit said, format it, it's a real bitch to read as it is.

3) For the love of God, use spellcheck

and finally,
4) It's not a very good piece, to tell the honest truth (As if there's any other kind). Forced, predictable rhymes, incredibly trite lines, overall just not my cup of tea.
<Han> I love Hitler