#1
there were people turning
themselves into rabbits
and getting strung up
by fishing line.
i wanted to be the next
houdini the great,
so i got in my top hat
and prepared to be hung.

but the hat sprouted stilts
and walked out the door.

and that's when i realized
that houdini the great
was a better escape artist
than a magician.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Mar 1, 2007,
#2
i really liked this... probably my favorite from you so far.

i loved the closing stanza.

only thing i can think of is maybe a bit more of an introduction? ... but then again the shortness is part of what makes it so good.

great work either way.
#4
I love you.

But seriously I love how this is short and gets it's point across. It's very original to me, I love it.
Quote by dann_blood
Stars are Blind - Paris Hilton. I heard that and set me off on a destructive rampage for weeks.


Quote by FearTheD
i want him to ride his magical roll of USPS stickers to Valhalla
#6
Quote by Grovermans
there were people turning
themselves into rabbits
and getting strung up
by fishing line.
i wanted to be the next
houdini the great,
so i got in my top hat
and prepared to be hung.

this is all great except the last line is a bit awkward. i think you could find a better way to say 'and prepared to be hung'

but the hat sprouted stilts
and walked out the door,
hitting the doorframe
on its way out.

perfect

and that's when i realized
that houdini the great
was a better escape artist
than magician.


again perfect as it is


sh.itty crit but its a short piece and basically is perfect as it is
9/10
#7
Second stanza has sprout/out/out, and door/dorframe. I'm not a fan of those repeats. I don't know if they add to the meaning, but not from my view.

I don't get the last line. Better than magician? Should there be an "a" or "the" there. Or are you referring to a name?

ah well. It was good. I don't thin kit was your best, but good.

Could ya take a look at #4 in my sig pwiddy pwease
#8
i think "a better escape artist than magician" works...

i don't know.

BUT. i didn't notice that repetition of "out".
so. i will fix a bunch of stuff. so. thanks.

I just want to sleep forever.