#1
dirty snow on the side of the road,
plow truck on tow, room full of smoke,
and other stand ins for my dishelevd hope.
cheap hotel starts to feel like a second home-
frozen vomitt on the sidewalk,
neighbor's tv blaring a porn or horror movie.
in the king-size empty bed I slept in
just listening.
feeling like the cigarette you flicked from your fingertips
when you'd finished, out the window on the highway
as you forged your voyage forward, freedom-freedom.
the sparks fly
as you try
to quit smoking.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#2
I didn't like the line "cheap hotel starts to feel like a second home."

You could probably phrase the "in the king-size empty bed I slept in" better, maybe include a subject so it's not just a prep-phrase.

I don't know about "freedom-freedom"

But overall it was quite lovely.
#3
that's what happens when a poem I was writing sits in my head gathering dust for a week before I write it and then the situation changes and I've forgotten half the metaphors I wanted and just want it finished.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#5
yeah, it's a real shame too. I was writing a giving up song that I thought was going to be pretty good but now I'm not giving up which makes the process, for someone like me who has no imagination and can only write about what's really happening, a whole lot more difficult.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in