Poll: is it good or not> be honest
Poll Options
View poll results: is it good or not> be honest
is it a good song?
0 0%
does it make sense?
0 0%
you think it might make it somewhere one day?
0 0%
what would you make different in it? email me//
0 0%
what is it that is not liked
1 100%
Voters: 1.
#1
You said you loved me
You said you needed me
But it all just ended the same…

You kissed me
You touched me
But it all ended the same…

Why am I unwanted?

You were my whole world and
I loved you, but it was taken away in the same breath, You said I love you
I thought you meant it, I won’t forget this. I feel so unwanted!

You were my dream….
You were my angel from above…
But it all ended the same…

You were the very breath I breathed
You were in my very soul
But it all ended the same…


Why am I unwanted?
Why was I lied too?
You were my whole world and
I loved you, but it was taken away in the same breath, you said, “I love you”
I thought you meant it, I won’t forget this. I feel so unwanted!

(Bridge) you’re my very Soul ….My whole life…
And now you’re gone just like that, in the same breath, you said,” I love you.”
Why do you make me feel so unwanted?


Why am I unwanted?
Why was I lied too?
You were my whole world and
I loved you, but it was taken away in the same breath, you said, “I love you”
I thought you meant it, I won’t forget this. I feel so unwanted! I feel so unwanted!


Why was I lied too? it all ended the same!
#2
The read before posting thread says you can't use polls, i'm not sure why, but you should take note i suppose.
Member of "The True British Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society"
#5
this seems much more a disjointed letter than a song. the first two lines are, to be honest, quite boring and redundant. in some cases repeating something brings good emphasis, but in this it just seems like you started off with an idea but couldnt elaborate on it. the second lines of each stanza, the longer ones, had no meter or syllable count and were run on sentences. it was very cliche and felt like a long rant. im sorry for such a harsh critique, but if it were my piece id want people to be brutal. there are tips and stuff in a stickied thread at the top of the S+L forums. if you rewrite it or something il be glad to crit again. feel free to crit any of mine if you get the chance best of luck.
Quote by TonyRandall

you are definately a skilled writer.



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Member of the USA LAUGAM HIT SQUAD
#6
Why crit it if its wrong?

We dont allow polls cause everytime a vote is cast it bumps the thread, and the forum would be chaos were that to happen.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.