#1
These are, contrary to what the title may allude to, a series of songs. I'll post part 2, The Crucifixion of Xerxes' Seed, in a few days. Leave any comments and I'll get to them the morrow.

I found myself on Nobody Street
Solid concrete melting in the heat
I held talks with the back-street men
Together they had good acumen
They consisted of shadows
And lived in the inter-building furrows
Burying their dead in the sewers
Audaciously calling me one of life’s losers

They wore spirals in their gowns
They had fashioned underground
And with hair so white
It would frighten children away
But I can only watch in dismay
As the back-alley wishmakers play their erotic songs
And the timpani drums are beating an horrific rhythm
Bang-banging the rhythmic heartbeat fading
And they come save me with their haunting hymns
And the flowers in my mind are blooming
There are golds and crimsons and greens of many shades
And in the corner of my brain the visions fade
Tantalising and the feeling stays and lingers
And I can feel the touch of icy fingers
Feeling their way slowly up my spine
And it looks as though my clothes are made of twine
Suddenly the dreams evaporate
All of a sudden my memories are hard to extrapolate
Somewhere a filing cabinet remains locked
And the stones being flung feel just like velvet rocks
#2
Hmmm, I have no idea what it means, but then again I'm tired beyond reason right now. Honestly have to say I didn't care for it too much, just not a style that really apeals to me. Though I don't think it's fair to judge lyrics without music...
#4
I liked it. The meaning was a little bit over my head. I am assuming it is some sort of life metaphor (obviously.. lol) but yeah. In some parts it seemed like you tried way too hard to be "poetic", I have nothing against songs like that, but sometimes you just need a few good selectively keywords to get a point accross. While at the same time, some parts lacked a lot of that "poetic" feeling and seemed way too simple. Overall, I liked it though. Not really my kind of song.. but not bad.
#5
i don't like your use of "dismay" at
the beginning of the second stanza.
i also don't like the "extrapolate" line.
it completely ruins the flow you have.

but. i can't really see any other big mistakes.

I just want to sleep forever.


#6
This was quite interestin Michael.

Much different to alot of your other stuff.

The rhyming was JUST about bearable and not forced imo, ws a close call, especially with "loser" and "twine". I felt the second stanza tripped up alot with the wording, I kept falling over the words, weather tha was intended or not I don't know, I thought I'd just point it out.

and the timpani drums are beating an horrific rhythm
Bang-banging the rhythmic heartbeat fading


I really didn't like those lines, though. For me doesn't read well and I don't ike the double rhythm there either.

But good and interesting. Looking forward to the rest