#1
lately, i find myself looking for distractions from everything in my life. in fact, right now, there's nothing i dread more than being left alone with my thoughts. my mind wanders into places that i wish it would never go; places that make me choke on all the words that i'm just dying to say. and i don't know how to fix it. i've tried tying up every one of my thoughts with nickel strings and film reels. i've tried painting them all white and i've tried scribbling them all out. i've tried just about everything i can think of to distract myself from this somber room, but they're all so fucking temporary, and i'm just so fucking restless to get my mind away from the god-awful places that it wanders to when i'm left all alone with my thoughts; the places that are always lit by nothing more than the dim, haunting glow of a crescent moon. and i can't stand living at night anymore. i need the sunlight to wash over my cataracts. i need the fucking rain, the snow and the wind to lick at my wounds until they've been sterilized. i need something more than just an empty room and a canvas that i've painted over a thousand times, because when i'm left with this painting full of so many glaring mistakes and the sloppy jobs i've done in an attempt to fix them, it reminds me of the fact that i'm just going to make each and every single one of those mistakes a thousand times again. it just reminds me that no matter how many distractions i find from this overworked canvas, there will always be those fucking mistakes and their clumsy cover-ups to guide me back to all those cold and tired places that are lit by just a crescent moon; all those places that make me choke on all the words i'm just fucking dying to say.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Mar 3, 2007,
#2
I somewhat know what'choo mean. Uh...you could try talking to a good friend on the phone or something, and everyone makes mistakes. You could eat some pie. Pieee.
#7
This was, imo, great. And nice to see you try someting different, or different to what you usually post. The wording and sounds with sloppy and clumsy were great touches, and the whole thing just read so smoothely.

Great Stuff Kyle.
#8
So, when I first opened this I was pissed because the font looked too small for me to want to read, haha. But, I'm glad I read it, because it's something I can realllllly relate to right now. I mean, there's not one thing I'd want to be changed in here, this is probably my favorite thing I've read of yours. I'm reading it at a "perfect" time in life.

In short, I love this piece because I can actually find a lot of meaning within it. So good job. Bad crit, I know, but it's all I can say right now.
#10
personally, i don't like this. it seems like another attempt at a rant-like prose that occasionally show up on this site and usually are brilliant. however, this one didn't do it for me. it is most definitely easy to relate to, especially in recent times for me. there are bright spots in it, as well.
#11
you really introduce some great ideas and images into this, but since its ranty prose, they are clouded within the rest.

id look back over this later, and steal lines from yourself. you know you are a naturally great writer, and you have some great shit in here to elaborate on, so I would go back over this.
#12
i really like this, something alot of people, including myself, can relate to. It introduces alot of fresh ideas which is hard to do nowadays

top stuff dude
#13
I agree with Tigger that it's relatable, but sub-par. The ending doesn't stir up any form of emotion, though it tries to. Nothing in there is really unique or interesting enough to set it apart from any of the other prose that frequents this and the myriad other writing boards floating around the internet.

It's not that ranting prose is not a viable method, I just think it has to have something special about it to even begin to be regarded as a "good" piece of writing and I don't think this has it.