#1
so here we go with all our storys told
of all your highs and lows and your to's and frows
of all the things you loved and lost along the way

like the nights and the fights and the disco lights
and the wrongs and rights that keep you up all night
and theres nothing worse than when i have you on my mind

dont forget the need and the speed and love and lust
and the pubs and the birds in all the clubs
but is not like we need to think of things like these

we're just waiting on the sars
to come around
and to hear what they say
we're just waiting for the start
so we can be just like those stars
#2
so here we go with all our storys toldi like the told,go thing, but story should be stories
of all your highs and lows and your to's and frows
of all the things you loved and lost along the way
on the last line, i would include another internal rhyme to fit the others

like the nights and the fights and the disco lights
and the wrongs and rights that keep you up all night
and theres nothing worse than when i have you on my mind
i would have line 2 use internal rhymes with wrong, and take out right and nigth, becuz they rhyme with line 1.also try including internal rhymes in line 3

dont forget the need and the speed and love and lust
and the pubs and the birds in all the clubs
but is not like we need to think of things like these
try making last line rhyme/or use internal rhyming

we're just waiting on the sarsis it supposed to be 'stars' not 'sars'
to come around
and to hear what they say
we're just waiting for the start
so we can be just like those stars
this isnt bad, jsut not as good as the others. if ur gana have something like this in here, i would mabe put it somewhere else in the lyrics also, as well as here.

ok, i like ur internal rhyming, its nice and i like it, i see u were making 2 lines full of it, then the 3rd line not have any, but i think it would do better with internal rhyming everywhere,creates a nice flow, then ur last lines usually mess it up abit.

nice job, crit 'untitled' in my sig if u could(dont worry, its short)