#1
this song is relatively new, I've written five drafts and been working on it for a week. This song focusses on many issues, and if you want the real deal on what it's about (I can give out a rather lucid description) but I'm hoping you can find out. Some of it may seem forced, and I think it could use better flow, but any crit will help. As always, crit for crit people.

Angel Haircut

This angel hair is so greasy, and wet
I don't want your heart shaped box, you can keep it.
Please rinse my hair with spit and sweat
And could you dry it off with your bleached breath

Cut if off and sweep it up into the trash
Sprinkle sunflower seeds on my head so it can
grow back
Cut if off and sweep it up, into, the, trash
Sprinkle springtime sunflower seeds so it can
grow back

Angel hair on linoleum, don't cut more,it hurts
Put it in my eyes and mouth, ask Renaya don't,it hurts
Sprinkle sunflower seeds in your heart shaped box
Take my angel hair and put it in your heart shaped box

Cut if off and sweep it up into the trash
Sprinkle sunflower seeds on my head so it can
grow back
Cut if off and sweep it up, into, the, trash
Sprinkle springtime sunflower seeds so it can
grow back
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...
Last edited by plus182 at Mar 4, 2007,
#2
It sounds pretty cool, besides the fact that it is oddly reminiscent of Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box. A lot.
#3
i hope saying heart shaped box doesnt make it sound like a rip off. cuz i got this humongous heart sahped box of chocolate for valentines day from my gf, and i gave her a puny little one. and then i didnt want it cuz it was too much because i gave her like nothing and she gave me like 5 pound of choclate...(cries)
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...