#1
This is the product of many thoughts that have been going through my head over the last few days.

Crit fo' crit, just leave a link.


I think it’s strange
That the cafeteria lady
Might gain some sort of pride
From her confection oven masterpieces

And I glance
At the cracked tile ceiling
It’s worn from years of punishment
At least I noticed it

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject

It’s dark out
Gloomy and frightful, let’s go out on a walk
And who knew
The wind blew much harder when you listen to it

I was on page twenty seven
And my realization was spreading
My realization was spreading
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
#3
Quote by Bmm386
This is the product of many thoughts that have been going through my head over the last few days.

Crit fo' crit, just leave a link.


I think it’s strange
That the cafeteria lady
Might gain some sort of pride
From her confection oven masterpieces
Interesting start. i like this a lot because it makes you think about the people you usually just pass by everyday without realizing they have an actual life.

And I glance
At the cracked tile ceiling
It’s worn from years of punishment
At least I noticed it
i love this. there is something so odd about pointless observations.

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject
no problems with this, i like it very much.


It’s dark out
Gloomy and frightful, let’s go out on a walk
And who knew
The wind blew much harder when you listen to it
i love the last line. and the whole idea of going out in the night and being open to whatever you see. its got a whole creepy/romantic vibe. very cool.


I was on page twenty seven
And my realization was spreading
My realization was spreading
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
yeah i like how this gets more intense and then you bring in the randomness.

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust



i really liked this a lot. i found it very relatable because i'm always walking around pondering things that seem to need no pondering at all. awesome job.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537818
#5
Quote by Bmm386
This is the product of many thoughts that have been going through my head over the last few days.

Crit fo' crit, just leave a link.


I think it’s strange
That the cafeteria lady
Might gain some sort of pride
From her confection oven masterpieces

interesting start i like where its going

And I glance
At the cracked tile ceiling
It’s worn from years of punishment
At least I noticed it

this is so so, nothing special but it sets up the rest of the peice

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject

i love this, seriously

It’s dark out
Gloomy and frightful, let’s go out on a walk
And who knew
The wind blew much harder when you listen to it

gloomy and frightful are kind of bland words for the description of night here and i think you could do better

I was on page twenty seven
And my realization was spreading
My realization was spreading
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust

this is great. seriously the last 2 lines are awesome. kind of modest mouse esque

It seems to me
That Pain Killers is a horrible product name
And world geography
Is an all too underappreciated subject
Jam on toast and you eat the crust
Jam on toast and you eat the crust


great ending



i was really impressed by this
i love your style of writing, you should let me know when you post more
8.5/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=538597
if you have time mine is a pretty short piece too
#6
I honestly don't know what the hell you're talking about/trying to say. And I don't think that the problem is on my end.

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[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#8
I get depressed reading your material, becuase its so great, and I didnt think of it first. I dont have any lyrics.