#1
Thrown into the starting gate
Not about win or loss

It’s how to survive

A certain plod in the hush
Unheeded rush

Control the fate

I’d shoot myself in the foot
If it weren’t in my mouth

Going that way

Leads to death by ironic means
So it seems

Head north, not south

Chorus: Can it smell any sweeter
The wafting flower grows here
Images of you inside my mind
Strongest ties to memory
A greater thing I couldn’t see
All pain of the past is left behind

Squares left on the bedroom wall
Outlines painted memories

Shapes viewed dreamily

The mountains won’t know you
Just how I do

Brushstroke so easy

Can it smell any sweeter
The wafting flower grows here
Images of you inside my mind
Strongest ties to memory
A greater thing I couldn’t see
All pain of the past is left behind

Stretch yourself to reach me down
Three months in spring today

This breeze whispers warmth

And your tears we kiss away soft
Holding this joy aloft

Revel in what’s found

Can it smell any sweeter
The wafting flower grows here
Images of you inside my mind
Strongest ties to memory
A greater thing I couldn’t see
All pain of the past is left behind

Three months in spring/A blessing of rain despite this, the bitter chill
Three months in spring/This blossom bears fruit although it is alone
Three months in spring/Winter soon ends, emptiness begins to fill
Three months in spring/There'll be more love than ever has been shown
Last edited by DaveyJayEn at Mar 5, 2007,
#2
I’d shoot myself in the foot
If it weren’t in my mouth

as blunt as this line is it really struck me and was pretty powerful. the rest of this has some good imagery and descriptions but its lacking anything that made me really go 'wow'.
the ending was pretty solid though and definitely summed up the piece and finalized it.

sorry this isnt much but i dont have much to say about this, ill give you a full crit on your next piece just pm me when its up