#1
sometimes the memory just runs away from me
as my reality fades, I fail to speak
my thoughts are not what they should be
deep inside I don't know what to do
this is my altered state of reality

I am unafraid to show who I am
fighting to give meaning to life
through thick and thin, no worries
this is me and I want all of you to see
that there is no facade no mirror over me
And I'll carry on through thick and thin
carry on through sadness, where and when
I want to carry on though dissatisfaction
runs through every inch of me

This is me and I want all of you to know
that i'm not going to change for you or anybody
just face it and accept me for who I am
you can love, hate, or tolerate me I don't care
thats your choice

I am unafraid to show who I am
fighting to give meaning to my life
through thick and thin, no worries
this is me and I want all of you to see
that there is no facade no mirror over me
And I'll carry on through thick and thin
carry on through sadness, where and when
I want to carry on though dissatisfaction
runs through every inch of me


Altered reality, mind racing with new thoughts
altered reality, this is me
I'll never change
#2
Thanks man. In return, some help.

You first mistake is your need to be some straight forward; take the first line for example, you spell out exactly what is going on, whereas, perhaps it is favourable to be less specific. Think "what runs away" scared animals, clouds from sunshine that sort of thing, then use similes (describing something using like or as). And say "sometimes the memory runs like animals in headlights" it puts the same message over while allowing the reader to picture the image themselves.

I also went through the piece, and all the words in Italics are weak and you'd do better to find a better one, those in bold are strong, so keep 'em.


sometimes the memory just runs away from me
as my reality fades, I fail to speak
my thoughts are not what they should be
deep inside I don't know what to do
this is my altered state of reality

Should be "failing"; L3 is quite bland, as I said above you could do with a simile here, or perhaps if something isn't what it should be...its untrue...there is one word that will say what you did there.

I am unafraid to show who I am
fighting to give meaning to life
through thick and thin, no worries
this is me and I want all of you to see
that there is no facade no mirror over me
And I'll carry on through thick and thin
carry on through sadness, where and when
I want to carry on though dissatisfaction
runs through every inch of me

The double thick and thin isn't great, basically you need to strip this down, theres too many lines saying the same thing, take out the trimmings, leave the bare bones, then work on conveying your message less direct and more metaphorically.

This is me and I want all of you to know
that i'm not going to change for you or anybody
just face it and accept me for who I am
you can love, hate, or tolerate me I don't care
thats your choice

I am unafraid to show who I am
fighting to give meaning to my life
through thick and thin, no worries
this is me and I want all of you to see
that there is no facade no mirror over me
And I'll carry on through thick and thin
carry on through sadness, where and when
I want to carry on though dissatisfaction
runs through every inch of me


Altered reality, mind racing with new thoughts
altered reality, this is me
I'll never change
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.