#1
Its not as if i never cared for you
But maybe i cared to much.
Its not as if i wasn’t there with you
Though i was never there all that much much.

Now i can only hope that you have come to be
The kind of person that you always were to me.

You always were to me

You always were the wise one
With a smile on your face and never outta place
You were my best friend , my pen pal , beauty queen , a hot gal.
Thats what you were to me.

Now its 4am and i pick up the phone to call you
But theres nobody home
So i go out , i walk round , its rainin , and my hoods down
Water`s drippin of my face, but i don’t care
Cuz i found you here,with some other guy
That you knew before , and i knew him too.

Ahh, hes an asshole , a dick face , a moron , and i hate , to see you with him.
But what can i do?
You left me on my own , with a broken heart for company.
But lookin back , thats how you always were to me.


wrote this a few mins ago , and wud like any crit , gd or bad , as is customary. chers , peace out
member number 14 of the UG John frusciante fan club

Founder of the 'the John Frusciante ****ing sucks!Club!" sucks, club!
#2
I think you could get rid of the lines from "Cuz i found you here..." to the end, because they're just too concrete and explicit, and I like the stanza right before where it was focusing on you in the rain, and the small details you noticed. Maybe you should stick with observing yourself, and your current state, because explaining what the girl did to you doesn't really help the piece overall.
#3
ya just take out the first 2 lines of the last stanza see if you can change it because it is a lil too much
uh...ya
#4
yeh , i thru that in . not so much as like " i hate him" , just , i imagined once sung , it would flow , and seem less aggravated. thanx guys, any one else any views on this , or anything else.

i also meant 2 say ill crit sum 1 elses if ud like.
member number 14 of the UG John frusciante fan club

Founder of the 'the John Frusciante ****ing sucks!Club!" sucks, club!
#5
I'd love to hear your perspective on my latest piece...it's called "I Quit." and it's probably back on the second or third page by now.