#1
i need to be so much bolder than i feel
struggling to grip, let alone control this steering wheel.
my eyes glazed over an hour ago.
you're applying some beauty trick, obscure but just enough to show.
i am the parent sitting in the waiting room
consumed.
and consuming.
i am the prey that's been running away for days
just waiting for something to toughen up and consume me.
this is just a mark, just another bleeding scar that graces your arm.
you're gonna be just fine so long you as drive
and don't look back. you can never look back.
(because all you'll see is me.)

this is the car,
this is the wall that started the nightmare.
this is the kind of things that tears families apart
and prompts witnesses to stare.

there are things that make me feel i'm living a dream.
if there's something more real, please rouse me from my sleep.
if i have loved ones, please bring them to my side.
if my room is ruled by shadows, please throw up the blinds.
i am the heir apparent, counting down the days
until i am crowned
or else betrayed.
i am wiping the dust from pictures of those i used to love.
their faces were sharper back when i was young.
if you want my story, i'll be right here, begging for scraps.
no longer a man, i'm merely a shell of dreams i've taken back
back when i was still the optimist,
treating the days like they were blessed.

this is the car,
this is the wall that started the nightmare.
this is the kind of things that tears families apart
and prompts witnesses to stare.