#1
I don't see why having "C4C" in a title really warrants a closing, but whatever.

"Open Your Eyes"

Verse 1

Every day I see

The same old thing

You don't know

What it means

To live your life

You waste your time

Trying to be satisfied

Nothing you could ever buy

Will ever fill what you feel inside


Chorus


You say your life isn't

All you think that it should be

You say that

There's no point

Oh will you ever see?

There's much more to our lives

Than you might realize

Just open your eyes


Verse 2


Another day passes by

You're living just to die

One day you will see

Those wasted days weren't free

No more will I care

I guess life just isn't fair

So you sit and die alone

No one's gonna hear you groan


Chorus


You say your life isn't

All you think that it should be

You say that

There's no point

Oh will you ever see?

There's much more to our lives

Than you might realize

Just open your eyes
#3
This is a good piece of lyrics! I will try to come up with something you can change, but I probably won't, I like it ^^ How long have you been writing songs?
#4
@Masterpiece, thank you! I'll check it out.

@Mareng, thanks. I'd like to hear any ideas of what i should change. Um, I wrote my first lyrics quite a while ago, but I don't do it often. This is the third lyrics i've written so far I think.

keep them coming
#5
meh. thats all i was really left with, in this piece. not to sound harsh, but truly. I have read this before, I have seen all that and this, its just to cliche for me, and the rhymes are to forced for me, with that said, I do think it would make a good radio song. but if it were solely on lyrics, I would give it 3/10. then again, i could really connect to it, so maybe 5-6/10. Id have to heard music with it though. heres mine if you wanna crit.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=539927
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#6
Every day I see

The same old thing


This sums up my thoughts as I read your piece.

Rock On
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#7
Okay, thanks for your honesty. I think it fits well with the music though.
#8
I'll start by saying that your song is good, not great. There are parts that stuck out to me, but only after reading over it a second time. You've got something good to work with, you just need to use some more grabbing diction.

Nothing you could ever buy

Will ever fill what you feel inside

I really like this part. "Fill what you feel inside" I guess 'you' feel nothing, a hole. I think that is a very good verse because you don't say directly what you mean. You left a little bit to be filled in by the listener/reader.

One day you will see

Those wasted days weren't free

This one is very good, too. You point out that every day should be noticed and used, because we all have limited time. Very nice.

Just try to use a more grabbing diction/imagery/metaphors/... to pull the audience in and make them think.
#10
Hey spamwise, I like this song alot. Someone said that it was somewhat cliche, but I don't think so. I think it's just simple, which is the way I write. I can relate a lot to this piece.

Here's what I revised...

Every day I see
The same old thing
You don't know
What it means
To live your life
You waste your time I would change this to "To value time" it's shorter and makes the line flow better.
Trying to be satisfied You could change this to "You say that youre satisfied"
Nothing you could ever buy And nothing you could every buy
Will ever fill what you feel inside

Chorus
You say your life isn't
All you think that it should be
You say that
There's no point
Oh will you ever see?
There's much more to our lives
Than you might realize
Just open your eyes
Open Your eyes I would add another line to the chorus at least with the music i hear in my head.

Verse 2

Another day passes by
You're living just to die
One day you will see
Those wasted days weren't free
No more will I care
I guess life just isn't fair
So you sit and die alone
No one's gonna hear you groan I like this verse a lot. i wouldn't change a thing

Chorus
You say your life isn't
All you think that it should be
You say that
There's no point
Oh will you ever see?
There's much more to our lives
Than you might realize
Just open your eyes

--This song is really good. What style is it supposed to be? Pop, Rock, Punk, etc? I would like to hear the music to go with this. It's really good. I would rate this an 8.5/10.

Peace, Anthony
#11
Thank you! It's kind of an 80's rock style, fast and upbeat. I have it recorded on timihendrix.dmusic.com as "Untitled Rock Song". Listening to it now I don't think it's a great recording, as i'm rushing on some parts but it gives you the general idea. The solo was just improvised, so the one I have written down is different.