#1
Crit for crit. I hope you all like it. To give a little more info. The song has an F C Am Am chord progression with a nice little strumming pattern in there. And the chorus is just strumming F G Am barre chords. It sounds pretty nice, I think.


I'll die before I get these words out
That's what the doctors say,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop today?
You aren't that important anyway.

The books were set on fire
In the square today,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop them today?
Books aren't that important anyway.

Chorus:
The days go by oh so slowly,
Now I've lost track of the time

I wrote you a letter on napkins
And used them to wipe your face,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop you today?
You aren't all that pretty anyway.

Chorus:
The days go by oh so slowly,
Now I've lost track of the time

You grabbed my hand on the train today
And told me I should stay,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I tell you today?
I love you just the same anyway.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#2
I suppose people might say that this is too simple, but I like it. There are parts of it where the concepts you use start out seeming trite or juvenile, but then you pull it up by doing something with the image/comparison that was unexpected...like, "I'll die before I get these words out," simple. "That's what the doctors say." ah! Overall I liked it, although it seems like the ending is missing something. It feels like it should have kept going, or had a more definitive end...the last bit is too like the middle, you know?

The rhyme scheme seems awkward when read like a poem, but because this is a song I imagine that it flows nicely. Is it slow? Seems slow, seems like it'd be nice slow.

On this note, am I the only one who finds it difficult to write something that flows nicely both when read as a poem, and when sung as a song?
#3
so simple yet I really liked it. The rhymes seem a little forced but nothing to pushy, it still makes for a nice read. The thing i love about being simple, is that it makes the piece so open for many interpretations, and I personally love when people come at me with different thoughts about stuff i write, and your song here has the same style to it. Good piece, Love to hear it sung.

If you can crit mine. http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=539927
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#4
Thanks for the comments. I'll get to your stuff soon. And yes, it is slow. Kind of.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#5
I was expecting the ending to be a little more clever.. but it was still alright I suppouse.
#7
Quote by ABTS
I was expecting the ending to be a little more clever.. but it was still alright I suppouse.


Gee. Thanks for gracing me with your 18th post.

Haha. But I think the ending is fine. It actually has the most to do with what the song is about, so in a way, it's the most important stanza.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#8
Quote by screamsoftly
Crit for crit. I hope you all like it. To give a little more info. The song has an F C Am Am chord progression with a nice little strumming pattern in there. And the chorus is just strumming F G Am barre chords. It sounds pretty nice, I think.


I'll die before I get these words out
That's what the doctors say,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop today?
You aren't that important anyway.

dont know where this is headed but its an okay start. nothing that makes you go wow and a bit of it is a little cliche like the last line. otherwise this is nice

The books were set on fire
In the square today,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop them today?
Books aren't that important anyway.

interesting idk where this is headed yet but i like it

Chorus:
The days go by oh so slowly,
Now I've lost track of the time

the first line is pretty cliche and could be improved upon. the last line could prove effective/clever if there was a stronger line in front of it

I wrote you a letter on napkins
And used them to wipe your face,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I stop you today?
You aren't all that pretty anyway.

i love the last line. the rest of this is good except the 2nd line is so so, kind of blunt and doesnt capture the emotion youre trying to convey

Chorus:
The days go by oh so slowly,
Now I've lost track of the time

You grabbed my hand on the train today
And told me I should stay,
But I've been silent for so long,
Why would I tell you today?
I love you just the same anyway.

love this


there definitely are some strong points here, like the ending, but there are just as many weak points. i think if you improved upon some of the things i pointed out this would be a real good piece
7.5/10
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=540008
here is my new one if you can give me a short crit if you have time
#9
This is very good. That's all I can really say about it. I've spent my daily allotment of cognitive power today. So, I can't really say anymore than this. It is very good. Sorry I couldn't go any more in depth with it.
Does anyone know the song that goes: ba ba bah, ba ba buh, bu ba bum, ba ba bah, ba bu buh, bu bu bum, bu ba bu bu bum baam?
#10
Thanks a lot you guys. I only got around to doing a crit for rushmore's piece, but I promise to get to the others as soon as possible.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.