#1
Halloween night when he was six years old
Young Michael made a story that would forever be told
Judy Meyers was topless brushing her hair
When Michael plunged scissors between her pair
That was the night when everything would unfold
Fifteen years later, we meet Laurie Strode
Annie and Lynda were her best friends also
But both of them would die by the hands of Michael

While you're walking, he's stalking
He's an intruder who murders
The hate inside him can't escape
He won't shoot a gun to kill anyone
Nor will you ever see him run

Tommy Doyle is scared shitless by the boogyman
But he has Laurie strode by his feet and hands
He keeps a stash of comics under his couch
She can see why comics are not allowed
Laurie checks on Annie at the next house
Dead bodies were the only thing about
Michael Myers attacker her, and she needed out
Laurie got away, but he was right up her back
She thought he was dead when she stabbed him in
the neck
He shook it off, trapped her in the closet
She stabbed him, and though he had lost it
He didn't, she had nowhere to hide
Then Loomis came busting inside
Fired six shots, hit Michael square
When they checked the body, the bitch wasn't there

While you're walking, he's stalking
He's an intruder who murders
The hate inside him can't escape
He won't shoot a gun to kill anyone
Nor will you ever see him run
Last edited by glm at Mar 6, 2007,
#2
Quote by glm

Halloween night when he was six years old
Young Michael made a story that would forever be told
Judy Meyers was topless brushing her hair
When Michael plunged scissors between her pair
That was the night when everything would unfold
Fifteen years later, we meet Laurie Strode
Annie and Lynda were her best friends also
But both of them would die by the hands of Michael

change last two lines, i didnt like em, something like this.
anie and lynda were also her best friends
but both of them would die by michaels hands.


just a little lest forced, i think.


While you're walking, he's stalking
He's an intruder who murders
The hate inside him can't escape
He won't shoot a gun to kill anyone
Nor will you ever see him run

i like this stanza a lot, love the internal rhyme, good. leave as is.

Tommy Doyle is scared shitless by the boogyman
But he has Laurie strode by his feet and hands
He keeps a stah of comics under his couch
She can see why comics are not allowed
Laurie checks on Annie at the next house
Dead bodies were the only thing about
Michael Myers attacker her, and she needed out
Laurie got away, but he was right up her back
She thought he was dead when she stabbed him in
the neck
He shook it off, trapped her in the closet
She sabbed him, and though he had lost it
He didn't, she had nowhere to hide
Then Loomis came busting inside
Fired six shots, hit Michael square
When they checked the body, the bitch wasn't there

a bit wordy, to long, it dragged, i really didnt like this, way to much to process for me, condense it, just keep main thoughts.

While you're walking, he's stalking
He's an intruder who murders
The hate inside him can't escape
He won't shoot a gun to kill anyone
Nor will you ever see him run

good ending, like i said keep that stanza as is.





I like the idea, I really do. Just gotta condense that long stanza thats all i think. But yes, i can imagine singing this creepily around a campfire, with lots of friends. makes good for that kind of song, and its simple and would be enjoyable if werent for that big stanza, thats my only problem with it.

if you want you can crit mine. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=539927
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#3
Not bad, not bad.... just out of curiosity, what exactly are you planning to do with it.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#5
Is it rapped? Sung? If it's rapped, any idea for a flow? Beat?
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#7
Funky. Tell me when you have.....


MWAHAHAHA

Okay, I don't know why I put that.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.