#1
yeah so i wrote this in about 10 minutes. but i think its one of the better things ive writen.
hope you like it.

here alone,
I sit at night
In the glow
of the moons pale light
And i feel the winds
gentle breeze
Hear its voice
Whispering in the trees

I watch the stars
above so high
Fallowing their trail
across the sky
they sparkle gentley
To me peace they bring
with their silent songs
and light, everlasting

Im alone
No one here with me
Nobodies words
to corrupt my dreams
And as i dream,
my thoughts dare stray
I picture your smile
and you beautiful face

Your eyes they sparkle
like stars in the sky
so full of energy
so full of life.
I can almost heat you voice
in the whispering breeze
i hear you speaking
in the voices of the leaves

I long for your kiss
Gentle as the rain
pouring down on my lips
curing all my pain.
I long for your touch
as soft as the sand
and the smooth warmth
of your perfect hands

My love for you
is like a dong
a silent melody
with a voice so strong
It will always be true
as true as the moon
and if youlisten to the wind
you can hear its tune
A song soft as the rain
as bright as the stars
listen to it singing
along with the beating of my heart
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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#2
delete this and repost with the name of the poem or "untitled" in the thread title and ill give you a real crit.
Quote by TonyRandall

you are definately a skilled writer.



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#4
Please read the FAQ at the top of this thread and repost with a proper title.

The mods'll be on you soon...
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#5
Quote by RuleBreaker


My love for you
is like a dong


Yeah um, that just threw me off the whole thing, what???
#6
Quote by S)E-Javelin
Yeah um, that just threw me off the whole thing, what???

Perhaps he meant "Like a song"....
Main Gear:
Cort G-Series 254
Takamine EG345C 12-String
Fender Squier P-Bass

Peavey Classic 50
Laney HCM65B

$75 Junk Drums w/ B8 Hats/Crash/Ride
#7
^



Read the FAQ (found with the announcement) at the top of the forum, then repost please. If you have no name use "untitled"
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.